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Section 6 - Spiritual Glossary (meaning of the thoughts, attitudes and emotions)

This section gives the spiritual meaning of many thoughts, attitudes and emotions along with some behaviours and a few commonly spoken words or phrases.
  • the possible explanations listed below are just that - possibilities
  • if something seems frightening or just plain wrong, ask the Universal Intelligence about it during meditation or contact the author
Definition of:
Thoughts  Words - spoken or unspoken
Attitudes  Product of a combination of thoughts and emotions that cause behavioural patterns
Emotions  While commonly believed to be an involuntary reaction to external circumstances, the newer understanding is that our thoughts and attitudes actually create our emotions

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Abandonment |  Absenteeism  | Anger | Anxiety | Arrogance | At least | Avoidance

Blame | Bullying

Child abuse | Co-dependent relationship | Compassion | Compassion fatigue | Condemnation | Contempt| Control | Criticism

Dawdling | Denial | Distress | Distrust | Double standard | Dread

Ego | Embarrassment | Envy

Faith | FearFinally | Forbearance | Forgiveness | Free will

Gossip | Grace | Gratitude | Greed | Grief | Guide/angel/teacher | Guilt | Guilt trips

Honesty | Humility | Hypocrite

Ignorance | Insolence

Jealousy | Joy | Judgment

Manipulation | Martyrdom | Meditation | Mercy | Misanthropic

Obedience | Obsessive/compulsive behaviours

Patience | Peace | Perfectionism | Persecution complex | Pessimism | Pet hoarding | PhobiasPost-traumatic stress disorder | Prayer | Procrastination

Rejection | Repression | Resentment | Respect | Revenge | Reverse abandonment

Sacrifice | Sarcasm | Scorn | Seeking of truth and understanding | Self-aggrandizement | Self-importance | Self-interest | Self-righteousness | Shame | Should | Silent rebellion | Soul mate | Spite | Stress | Suppression | Survivor's guilt

Tolerance | Trust

Unconditional love | Universal Intelligence

Victim

War | Worry

Abandonment (thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour) Overwhelming desire to run away from a difficult situation, and can become a habitual response to issues that trigger us. Abandonment can take many forms:
  • Withholding communication as a punishment
  • Escaping a situation via the use of a chemical substance (food, drugs or alcohol)
  • Doing things to exclude others (listening to loud music, reading a book, playing/working on computer, using a cellphone, watching television or movies)
  • Abruptly hanging up the telephone on someone with whom we have just had a disagreement or abruptly turning one’s back or leaving the room during a conversation
  • Wishing that a disagreeable neighbour would just move away
  • Refusing to have further dealings of any sort with someone after they have done something that meets with our displeasure (can come from resentment or from a need for revenge)
  • Having a death wish for anyone with whom emotional difficulties are encountered on a somewhat regular basis (spouse, child, employer, teacher, colleague, etc.)
  • Threatening (or committing) suicide. In the case of suicide (or any other negative behaviour), it is important to remember that only we are responsible for our behaviours, and we have the ability to choose. Suicide threats can be the ultimate temper tantrum

Sounds like: I quit. I give up. Do it yourself. I don't care, etc.
Physical effects of the pattern: Addictions, obsessive/compulsive disorder, heel spurs, hip and knee problems, heart disease
How to change the pattern: Instead of running away, speak. Say what's on your mind. Even if you think the other person doesn't want to hear it or doesn't care what you think, say it, instead of abandoning the person or the situation

Reverse abandonment 
Some people with a fear of abandonment react to it by seeming to have a very nasty disposition, which causes others to leave them - reverse abandonment. The fear prevents them from trusting enough to form meaningful relationships. Being unkind or uncaring keeps them in control of their relationships: "If I'm mean enough, or if they think I don’t care about them, nobody will want to have anything to do with me and then there'll be no danger of anyone leaving (abandoning) me, or at least I won’t be surprised when they all do".

How to change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result - fear can bring about that which is feared. Find the root cause of the fear. If it results from having been abandoned as a young child, then there needs to be a realization that children are not responsible for their caregivers’ behaviour

Absenteeism / Tardiness (behaviour) Inability or unwillingness to "be there" for work, school, home, family, or any responsibility. These are additional forms of abandonment and we can easily become addicted to not showing up for appointments or showing up late. These behaviours can infuriate those who are relying on us and are the source of many of life’s difficulties. See also dawdling
Physical effects of the pattern: Depression, hypothyroidism
How to change the pattern
Meditate to find the reason for the desire or need to annoy people or for behaving irresponsibly
Anger (emotion) Strong feeling of displeasure or hostility. Anger cannot be dealt with and released if it is repressed or suppressed, and it can then become resentment. People can use the threat of an angry outburst to control and manipulate others. If we allow our fear of someone's angry outburst to prevent us from speaking Truth, we might be blaming her or him for our own behaviour. The fear of confrontation can prevent us from expressing our true feelings of displeasure, but we still feel them. The energy it takes to suppress them creates stress and tension in the body, which can then develop into illness or create injury-causing accidents. Of course, the energy that anger provides can also be used to bring about positive changes; it can be channelled into finding creative solutions for problems that seem otherwise impossible to solve. Examples of angry words: Why can't you ever...? Why do you always...? When is it going to be my turn?, or How could you do this to me?
Physical effects of the pattern:
Habitually carrying anger can create heartburn/indigestion, liver problems, depression, migraine headaches skin disorders, heart disease and stroke, accidents, and, ultimately, a general systems failure. The physical results do not manifest in the one we’re angry with; rather, they appear in one’s own body
Habitually carrying anger can create heartburn/indigestion, liver problems, depression, migraine headaches, skin disorders, heart disease and stroke, accidents, and, ultimately, a general systems failure. The physical results do not manifest in the one we’re angry with; rather, they appear in one’s own body
How to change the pattern: Meditate to find the root cause of why we hold onto anger instead of expressing it. Develop the habit of asking questions instead of assuming that we already know why someone said or didn't say, or did or didn't do, what we think they should have
Anxiety (thought, emotion) Intense feelings of dread, uneasiness or apprehension that arise for no apparent reason. The feelings can become so overwhelming that panic sets in. These feelings are a reflection of fearful thoughts within that have not been recognized or acknowledged. Simply stifling the feelings only provides short-term relief, and can contribute to becoming addicted to living in a constant state of turmoil, with unsolvable problems that require everyone's attention. The trouble is, we don't want to solve the problems - we just want to continue telling everyone about them. It can seem as though we're using them as a way to avoid being held responsible (infuriating for those having to listen!). Anxiety can be a family pattern that can worsen with each successive generation; however, with all the help that is available nowadays, hopefully more and more people will resolve their anxieties and teach their children how to do so
Physical effects of the pattern: The physical results of long-term anxiety can be
heart/lung and skin disorders, as well as nervous behaviours like shaky hands, nail-biting, repetitive scratching, inability to concentrate or focus on the matter at hand, moving with sudden, jerky movements
How to change the pattern: Spiritually: M
editate to identify the underlying fear and its spiritual root cause. Again in meditation, learn the reasons for choosing to react to life in this particular way. Physically: Learn to breathe
Arrogance (attitude) An attitude that places oneself above ~ or below ~ all others, and a tendency to announce this superiority ~ or inferiority ~ to others. Arrogance can come from low self-esteem or from over self-confidence. Arrogant people behave as though rules and laws apply to everyone else but them. They often disobey traffic laws by habitually speeding or refusing to keep up with traffic flow, parking illegally or even driving while under the influence of food/drugs/alcohol
Arrogance is a lack of respect or consideration for other people, their possessions and their boundaries, and/or their needs and feelings Arrogant behaviour can be seen in bullies, who tend to be loud, aggressive and/or controlling. Arrogant people seem to feel justified in whatever they are doing, yet make no attempt to understand or excuse anyone else's behaviour. They behave as though the world owes them a debt, and/or that meeting their needs (or those of their family/friends/pets) should be everybody's top priority. Arrogant people are often late for appointments and scheduled events such as flight departures or movies, and then claim forgetfulness when failing to meet commitments. See also passive/aggressive
Sounds like: "It's ok if I break the law. It's ok if I cheat. It's ok if I hold onto anger and resentment and seek revenge
Physical effects of the pattern: Addictions, inflammation of the gallbladder, knee problems
bi-polar disorder, babbling, hypothyroidism, obesity, walking with stiff arms
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn who we're really trying to hurt and our reasons for wanting to do so
At least (thought, attitude) When these words are used to compare self to another, shows that judgment, criticism and condemnation have taken place, e.g., "Well at least I'm not careless like that person". See self-righteousness
Avoidance (behaviour) The pattern of wanting to postpone, indefinitely, decision(s) that need to be made. While his pattern can seem similar to dawdling, avoidance is different in that we’re putting off deciding whether or not to do something. With dawdling, we know we’re going to do whatever it is but we’re withholding our action so as to produce our desired outcome. With avoidance, we’re unable/unwilling to make that final decision. This can affect every part of our lives, and can annoy anyone with whom we have dealings. Fear of failure or of success is often at the root of this behaviour, along with a fear of being held responsible. It can be infuriating for those who are waiting for us to decide, but those with this pattern feel truly imprisoned - they are stuck right where they are, unable to move in any direction. This pattern often arises for those who were not given the opportunity to make their own decisions as young children, as their caregivers maintained total control over every aspect of their lives. Avoidance and denial work together. The term, "productive procrastination" has been coined to show that we can fool ourselves into thinking that we are so busy being productive that we cannot possibly find the time to make seemingly momentous decisionsSee also blameprocrastination, victim
Sounds like: I can't take the time to decide today because my spouse, children, pet, boss... need my help. I'll just do this one thing and then I'll have the time to think about it. I’m just too tired to think about it
Note: When working with the Universal Intelligence to resolve inner conflicts, the desire to avoid resolution will be honoured unless we state to our guide that even though there may be fear, our true desire is to deal with the past and look for full understanding and Universal Truth
Physical effects of the pattern: Hoarding, sensory problems or failure (hearing, seeing, memory, etc.). Sometimes we can want so badly to avoid doing something that we wish for illness so that we can escape our duties without blame. The long-term result of such a wish can be chronic ailments, or even hypochondria. Avoidance can also create co-dependency between the one avoiding and the one nagging How to change the pattern
Meditate to learn what we're trying to create by avoiding deciding. Practice making decisions
Blame (attitude, emotion) Placing responsibility for our misfortune or for our own negative behaviours on someone or something else, be it another human, God, Satan, negative energies, genetics, the environment - anything or anyone but self. The blame pattern prevents us from looking for the Truth about our part in our own misfortune. Blame is often an ingredient in denial. See also victim
Sounds like: You made me fail. You made me hurt you. It's all your fault. It's all their fault. I couldn't because...
Physical effects of the pattern: Habitual blame can create
anemia, arthritis, eye problems, heartburn and/or indigestion, high blood pressure, kidney disorders, post-nasal drip, poor posture, thyroid problems, tooth decay
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn whose approval we're trying to gain by pretending to be innocent of any/all faults
Bullying (attitude) In children, can be the result of the child's frustration with living in a dysfunctional family unit where there is ongoing, yet unpredictable, physical and/or emotional abuse. In adults, can be the continuation of a childhood pattern that one feels fully justified in continuing (see also agressive/passive behaviour)
How to change the pattern: Do the grieving and self-esteem exercises in Section 9 of this website, plus visit WikiHow:
Learn how to stop bullying
Learn how to stop being a bully
Learn how to be assertive, rather than aggressive
Child Abuse Depriving a child of any of the basic necessities of life or withholding them as a punishment: love, approval, attention, affection, emotional support, physical food, privacy, sleep. Inflicting physical or emotional pain on a child, whether as punishment for a wrong-doing or as a means of teaching discipline, is seen as child abuse. The abuse can be obvious, as when a child is physically beaten, but it can also be subtle, leaving no visible scars, as with verbal or emotional abuse. It is the caregiver's responsibility to find ways to teach the child without being abusive. Child abuse and neglect are seen as a failure of the caregivers to provide both physical nurturing and emotional support for those who have been placed in their care. Child abuse can occur when the caregiver treats a child in a negative way in order to win the approval of an authority figure (whether it is a person or a thing). Some victims of child abuse never recover and develop addictions or turn to crime, never finding peace
Physical effects of the pattern: If you were the victim of child abuse, effects can range from chronic pain (spiritual and/or physical) that requires constant medication to all sorts of physical illnesses
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that the statement "Once a victim, always a victim" is no longer true. If we can confront the truth that we are not responsible for how our caregivers raised us, we can begin to see ourselves as children of God instead of our caregivers' children
Co-dependent relationship There is a fine line between being supportive of someone and being in a co-dependent relationship with him or her. Almost any human relationship can become co-dependent (spouses, parents, siblings, children, friends, co-workers, etc.). It stops being supportive when it starts preventing independent thought and action. Shows a lack of trust either for self or the other person in the relationship
Physical effects of the pattern:
Co-dependent relationships can create inability/unwillingness  to be out of communication with the other party; inability to make independent decisions; inability to make appointments independently; inability to fend for oneself; compulsive need to share everything (clothing, food, experiences, secrets, etc.); extreme distress at the thought of losing the other person (fear of abandonment); belief that the person is one's soul mate without whom one cannot survive
How to change the pattern:
Learn about meditating in a new way, then check out Section 8 to find the root cause of one's need to be in co-dependent relationship(s)
Learn how to recognize co-dependent relationships
Compassion (attitude, emotion) Feeling deep concern; caring for another in their time of need, without any desire to control them or to change their circumstances in any way. Compassion allows others the dignity to work through difficult experiences in their own way, in their own time, offering assistance only when invited. Uninvited assistance can be a form of control
Condemnation (thought) Declaring a punishment for someone who has been found guilty of something. Condemnation indicates that judgment and criticism have already taken place. See also resentment, revenge
Sounds like:
You're not as good as me (judgment and criticism), so you deserve to suffer (condemnation)
You’re a stupid idiot (judgment and criticism), so no wonder people never care what you think (condemnation)
You’re too fat/too thin / the wrong colour / the wrong religion / the wrong sexual orientation etc. (judgment and criticism) so you deserve to be treated poorly / ridiculed / punished (condemnation)
Looks like: Rolling one's eyes can indicate that judgment and criticism have just taken place. The condemnation, the punishment, is reducing our respect for the individual 
and showing it to anyone who is watching
Physical effects of the pattern: Long-term condemnation can result in arthritis, multiple sclerosis and other neuro-musculo-skeletal disorders. It can also set up a fear of success that causes us to unconsciously underperform
How to change the pattern
Meditate to learn where the belief in one's superiority or inferiority began and gradually find that the belief is not correct. This can enable a profound level of self-acceptance that is based in the recognition that we are all just human, at varying stages of soul development, with strengths and weaknesses, sometimes doing well and sometimes doing poorly
Contempt (attitude) Tendency to consider everyone (sometimes including self) unworthy of respect, patience, tolerance or compassion. This attitude can prevent us from ever finding peace or contentment in our lives. Shows that judgment and criticism have taken place. Often occurs along with arrogance and condemnation
Sounds like: You’re not even worth the time it would take to explain
Physical effects of the pattern: Ear, eye, nose and/or throat issues, knee problems, neck issues

How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn where the belief in one's superiority or inferiority began and gradually find that the belief is not correct. This can enable a profound level of self-acceptance that is based in the recognition that we are all just human, with strengths and weaknesses, sometimes doing well and sometimes doing poorly
Control (thought, attitude) Exercising one’s will over another, no matter how pure or impure the intention or the motivation. Examples of control:
Forcing our help upon another when it has not been invited. Insinuating that someone needs to do something we want them to do without asking them outright. Asking God for favours for someone else is control - after all - they might not want or need what we think they want or need, even including healing (some people want to be sick - for them, their illness meets some need). In disagreements, bringing up the past can be a means of gaining control of the situation (see
memory). Adoptive parents can, perhaps unintentionally, use guilt trips as a means of gaining or maintaining control over their charges (no matter their age). For example, "If it weren't for us, you'd be an orphan." It is control to assume that we know what another person is thinking. It is also control to pretend that we know everything. Practical jokes are a form of control - it's just not funny to ridicule someone for not knowing what we know. Stealing someone's attention, no matter the motive (obsessive/compulsive behaviours are often done to get control of someone's attention
. We are allowing ourselves to be controlled when we do what another person has told us to do even though we may not want to do it (see blame and victim)
Sounds like: Let me do it. You should... Call me when you get home so I don't have to worry
Physical effects of the pattern:
Nerve damage,
high cholesterol
, ALS, Parkinson’s Disease, multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of one's desire/need to be in charge. Before telling someone else what to do, think of how it feels when someone tells you what to do
Criticism (thought, attitude) Giving an unkind comment, whether spoken aloud or not, whether invited or not. The Universal Intelligence hears our every thought. Criticism can be an offshoot of low self-esteem and/or the pattern of perfectionism. Typical critical behaviours: always looking to catch someone in an error, always trying to change what someone else has done rather than creating something new, always wanting others to do things the same way as we might
Physical effects of the pattern:
Skin disorders, joint problems and immune system deterioration
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of one's need to make self or others feel inferior
Dawdling (behaviour) Act of revenge designed to intentionally annoy someone by delaying doing that which one has been asked to do. Form of passive/aggressive manipulation often done by those who feel they have no voice
Looks like: We ask someone to do something and then wait as they find a multitude of other things that they say ‘have’ to be done first (whether they’re related to the task or not) or they pretend not to have understood the request and ask all sorts of questions about it, or they start doing it - but as slowly as is humanly possible. And then, just as our patience dissolves, there they are looking all innocent and wondering why we’re angry. Infuriating! See also avoidance, victim
Physical effects of the pattern:
Low blood pressure, hormone imbalances
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of the desire to make others angry
Denial (thought, behaviour) Being unable or unwilling to face the Truth about oneself, one's prior actions, painful experiences, thoughts, attitudes or emotions. Denial and avoidance go hand-in-hand, for they both create an inability or unwillingness to search for full understanding and Universal Truth about one's role in one's experiences. Denial prevents us from accepting responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds and can create the need to blame any misfortune on someone or something else. This behaviour of always seeming to be beyond reproach creates an air of self-righteousness that can be crippling and highly annoying to anyone trying to understand why someone did what they did
Sounds like:
No. You're wrong. I would never say/think/do such a thing
Physical effects of the pattern:
Addictions, back problems, co-dependent relationships, confusion and memory lapses (ultimately dementia or even Alzheimer's), vision and/or hearing problems, chronic constipation
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of one's need to make others feel that our motives are beyond reproach, or that we have never had any negative experiences
Distress (emotion) Severe discomfort, be it physical, emotional or spiritual, coupled with a feeling that something needs to be done, but not knowing what it is or how to do it. Long-term distress can become anxiety
Sounds like: I just know something horrible is going to happen
Physical effects of the pattern:
Can manifest as abdominal pain,
digestive, skin or sleep disorders, nervous behaviours, headaches and/or inability to concentrate
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of one's fears
Distrust (thought, attitude, emotion) Lack of faith or confidence, in self, in others, in God. There is a fine balance to be struck between trust and distrust of other people. Too much trust in the goodwill of others can lead to disappointment and disillusionment. Sometimes we can even place ourselves in potentially harmful situations when we rely on the goodness of others. Chronic distrust can isolate us and prevent us from learning to work together toward a common goal and can lead to feelings of persecution. Distrust can come from a blanket condemnation of humanity
Sounds like: "I just know I’ll be the one to get hurt”, " "Everyone is out for number one". See also trust, victim
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Can result in unsatisfying relationships, prejudice and/or hatred, legacy resentment, paranoia, the need to blame others for any misfortune, feelings of victimization, agoraphobia
Physical effects of the pattern: Can result in severe allergies, hoarding
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of one's need to live in fear and isolation
Double standard (attitude) Expecting others to meet and abide by the rules and a strict code of morals and ethics that we ourselves claim to follow, yet often fail to meet. The media is filled with examples of public figures failing to follow the code and we love to point the finger at them - we want others to be held accountable, yet are only too happy to excuse ourselves. This can happen in all sorts of relationships: religious leaders to their followers, politicians to the populace, parents to children, teachers to students, employers to employees – and vice versa. The trouble is that those who actually do play by the rules can end up to be pariahs, ridiculed and spurned by society. See also self-righteousness
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Arrogance, lots of blaming, feeling like a victim, prejudice and/or hatred
Physical effects of the pattern: Can result in severe allergies
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that we are each responsible only for ourselves
, and we cannot hold higher expectations for others than ourselves
Dread (thought, emotion) Fear or belief that life experiences will be negative
Physical effects of the pattern:
Can result in phobias, chronic
lateness, dizziness, knee or leg problems, nausea, post-nasal drip or chronic procrastination
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that each of life's experiences is a learning opportunity rather than something to be feared
Ego (thought, attitude) Feeling that it's always about me. Can be excessive thoughts of pride or self-congratulation. Can become self-importance or perfectionism
Sounds like:
Can be excessive statement making coupled with a shortage of question asking. Can be thoughts like: I'm so good that everybody needs me; I'm indispensable because only I know what's best. Can also be the opposite attitude: I'm so bad that nobody wants me or cares about me; I'm useless and I'll never amount to anything
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Lack of meaningful relationships
Physical effects of the pattern: Bi-polar disorder

How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of the belief in one's superiority or inferiority and gradually find that the belief is not correct. This can enable a profound level of self-acceptance that is based in the recognition that we are all just human, with strengths and weaknesses, sometimes doing well and sometimes doing poorly
Embarrassment (thought, emotion) Uncomfortable feeling that someone has caught you doing something wrong
Sounds like: I hurt someone and they won't ever forget it, so I can never forgive myself. I made a mistake and got caught, so now others will think I'm stupid or bad. See also
shame and fear of looking stupid

Spiritual effects of the pattern: 
Decreased self-confidence. Can create a cycle of ever decreasing self-esteem
Physical effects of the pattern: Skin problems like acne, rosacea, rash
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of the belief that it's not ok to make mistakes. Do the
forgiveness exercise
Envy (thought, attitude, emotion) Feelings of unhappiness or discontent that come because of something someone else has that you have not, and that you think you would like to have, whether it's friends, material possessions, personal attributes or even just good luck. Can easily become resentment. Stems from low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth
Sounds like
I wish I had your ... or I wish you didn’t have …
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Chronic unhappiness and feeling never quite good enough
Physical effects of the pattern: Liver diseases, breast or pancreatic cancer, digestive disorders, hoarding
How to change the pattern:
 Visit Section 9 of this website and do the meditation and self-esteem exercises, visit WikiHow to learn how to deal with envy, visit WikiHow to learn how to overcome envy
Faith (attitude) A deep sense of knowing that we are, each of us, loved unconditionally and accompanied by the Universal Intelligence through life. A lack of faith can create feelings of fear and dread
Fear (emotion) Intense feeling that something bad is going to happen. Can become anxiety or dread. Fear can be our ally by alerting us to potential danger, but all too often we allow it to prevent us from doing that which needs to be done, and from moving forward in life. If we allow our fears to immobilize us, we will not be able to walk our life's path with faith, trust and joy. Fear is often used as an excuse for not looking at our inner conflicts, for example, "I'm afraid that if I start crying, I'll never stop." Fear of God's wrath is pervasive in society and we often go to extremes to avoid it by constantly performing rituals or avoiding doing certain things
Sounds like
Gasp! I could never ... Gasp! What if ...
Spiritual effects of the pattern:
Obsessive/compulsive disorder, chronic apprehension and/or avoidance of anything that cannot be controlled
Physical effects of the pattern:
Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, chronic lower
back pain and/or sciatica
How to change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result. Fear brings about that which is feared

Fear of abandonment (emotion) Feeling that one will be, or has been, left alone and unsupported as a punishment for causing someone’s displeasure. This fear can create a need to be dishonest about what we think and feel, and can make it very difficult to form lasting relationships with others, ourselves or God.
People with a fear of abandonment often have either a very nasty, or a very sweet and meek, disposition. Seeming to be nasty keeps them in control of their relationships. "If I'm mean enough, nobody will want to have anything to do with me and then there'll be no danger of them leaving me" - or - "I'll make you leave me so that I'm not surprised when you do" (see Reverse abandonment). Those who appear to be meek and mild often apologize for every little thing, whether they were responsible or not. They find it difficult to express their thoughts, their true opinions or their strong emotions and loathe confrontation of any sort, and often make themselves indispensable to others (you need me, so you can't leave me or fire me)
Physical effects of the pattern: Sciatica, lower back pain
How to change the pattern: Learn how to do whatever it is that we’re afraid of having to learn, or at least have enough faith in self to trust that no matter what happens, we’ll be ok - we’ll manage to deal with whatever comes our way

Fear of change (emotion) Feeling that if anything changes in any way, we will be in danger of losing what’s important to us. The pattern comes as a result of having grown up in an environment that is either extremely controlled or extremely chaotic. The challenge is to learn to accept that change is an inevitable part of life, and then develop positive coping skills. Visit WikiHow to learn about dealing with change

Fear of commitment (emotion) Intense feeling that entering into any sort of arrangement or agreement with someone will be seen as an act of weakness and a surrender of power and control. 
Very often, people with this fear will agree to a commitment with no intention at all of meeting it. This fear contributes greatly to feelings of disappointment, guilt and/or shame. See also distrust and passive/aggressive disorder

Fear of confrontation (emotion) This fear prevents us from speaking out when we feel we have been treated unjustly. It stems from a fear of abandonment, and also from a fear of losing someone's approval. There is often a fear that the other person will explode (or implode) in anger and the consequences will be unbearable.
We often use the threat of an angry outburst as a form of control, and the fear of an angry outburst is often used as an excuse for not standing up for ourselves or for those who are in our care. See victim
How to change the pattern: Visit WikiHow and learn how to be assertive instead of meek or weak

Fear of contamination and/or disease (thought, emotion) Terror at the thought of coming into contact with things that might create some disease; for example, germs, insects, animals, other people, sunshine, microwave ovens, cell phones - the list is seemingly endless. Belief that we are victims of the environment. Belief that self is "bad" and will be punished with disease. I believe that disease is not a punishment - it is a logical outcome of negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. Living with this fear can create obsessive worrying and anxiety that prevent one from finding joy in life. The fear can even become a disease itself, as with allergies. Albeit unwittingly, young children can develop allergies to mimic a caregiver’s fear(s), or to reflect spiritual imbalances within the family. See also blame

Fear of death and dying (emotion) Without faith that we will return to Source when we die, we can live with suppressed dread. A belief in "Hell" can create a deep terror of the afterlife. Coupled with our fear of the pain and discomfort that can often be present when one is very ill or close to death, we can live in a state of avoidance of life, rather than acceptance of all that life has to offer. Believing that someone who harmed us will be sent to Hell is a form of control, because in effect, it we're telling God to condemn someone.
It is also a wish for revenge), which ultimately affects only the one wishing for it

Fear of failure or of success (emotion) Can create immobility and keep us stuck. When one lives with such a fear, it is often judged by humans as being laziness or a lack of ambition. However, your guide knows the Universal Truth and can show you where this pattern originated, and how to change it. The fear of failure can create workaholic - ism. The fear of success can create an inability to see any project through to completion. Do we believe that if we fulfill our life's purpose, God will remove us from Planet Earth? Such a belief could prevent us from accomplishing anything much in this lifetime. Do we believe that if we achieve success, the people (our caregivers) who did nothing to help us will take the credit?

Fear of intimacy (emotion) This can be a fear of having an intimate or sexual relationship with another, but it can also be a fear of verbally expressing oneself fully. Can come from feelings of shame or embarrassment over one's physical appearance or of one's innermost thoughts, which can stem from a fear of abandonment. Can manifest in physical as mouth, teeth and gum problems as well as issues with reproductive organs

Fear of invasion (emotion) Extreme concern about someone with harmful motives entering one's space without permission. In its extreme, can be the belief that everyone has the intention to find us, find out everything about us and then use the information to harm us. Can be the belief that everyone is greedy and malicious. Can be the fear that one's body will be invaded by injury, illness and disease. Can be the fear that UFO's are real and are malicious. See also self-importance
Physical effects of the pattern
: Mid-
back and/or knee problems
How to change the pattern: Practice meditation to attain a centred space of peace and calm

Fear of looking stupid (thought, attitude, emotion) Crippling belief that anything new presents a risk that others will see our unknowing as stupidity, or will think that we're so lazy, deprived or underprivileged that we have not yet encountered this new thing and mastered it - or at least become familiar with it
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Inability to get or stay centred if challenged to try something new. Inability to trust self's ability to comprehend and learn. Chronic shame
How to change the pattern: Acknowledge to self that no single person knows every single thing; we all have strengths and weaknesses, as well as challenges to overcome. There is no shame in not knowing. Trust the process and, above all, trust self

Fear of negative energies (thought, attitude, emotion) Extreme concern that if one fails to live up to religious expectations, one risks being harmed by energies over which one has no control, for example, the devil or his minions
Physical effects of the pattern
: Insomnia,
severe allergies, accident proneness, and/or constant negative life experiences that make one feel like a victim
How to change the pattern: Practice meditation to attain a centred space of peace and calm, and then learn that the Universal Intelligence is unconditional love

Fear of retribution (thought, emotion) Chronic concern that one's words or actions will cause something terrible to happen to self or a loved one, due to a belief in a punishing God
Physical effects of the pattern
Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, inability and/or unwillingness to take any action or make any decision
How to change the pattern:
Practice meditation to attain a centred space of peace and calm. Then learn that the Universal Intelligence is 
unconditional love

Fear of telling the truth (thought) Terror at the thought of being harshly judged. Often occurs when one’s early caregivers withheld their approval (see chronic lying)

Fear of the unknown (emotion) Without faith that we are children of God, our path can be filled with constant doubt, even distrust, sometimes panic, of encountering anything we have not yet experienced. If we live with fear, we may well be presented with many unpleasant experiences

Phobias (thought, attitude, emotion) Condition in which our fear of a particular experience is transferred onto one or more
creatures, objects or activities, because that is safer than acknowledging the real cause of fear. Phobias can also develop as a result of having felt a complete loss of control in a situation, such that one feels compelled to avoid potentially similar situations
Physical effects: Similar to the effects of long-term anxiety, but usually occurring upon encountering the object of dread: heart/lung and skin disorders, nausea, as well as nervous behaviours like shaky hands, nail-biting, repetitive scratching, inability to concentrate or focus on the matter at hand, moving with sudden, jerky movements
How to change the pattern: Spiritually: M
editate to identify the underlying fear and its spiritual root cause. Again in meditation, learn the reasons for choosing to react to life in this particular way. Physically: Learn to breathe
Finally (attitude) This is a word of blame (condemnation), whether directed toward self, another human, events or the Universal Intelligence
Forbearance (attitude) The ability to remain true to one's commitments no matter what others are saying or doing
Forgiveness (thought, attitude) Forgiveness means not resenting those who have angered us or failed us in some way; but rather, making it a habit to seek understanding before jumping to conclusions about their motives. Although it can be easier to forgive when we understand fully why something has happened, or why someone has done or not done something, it is not necessarily required. Simply allowing for the possibility that we do not understand can enable us to let go of the experience more easily. Visit Section 9 of my website and do the forgiveness exercises:
http://www.ourspiritualnutrition.com/is09.htm#Forgiveness  Visit my blog to read more about forgiveness:
https://ourspiritualnutrition.wordpress.com/2016/01/20/forgiveness/
Free Will Spiritual law that gives us the ability to choose, but that also ensures that we will experience the outcomes of our choices. We can choose our beliefs and we can choose our attitude toward life. Click here for more information
Gossip (thought, attitude) Sharing our judgment, criticism and condemnation of a person or group who has offended us in order to negatively affect other people's opinions of them. This is a form of control because the intention is to make someone else think and feel the same as us. We participate in gossip when we watch, listen to or even read negative stories about others. See also judgment, criticism, condemnation, perfectionism, self-righteousness
Physical effects of the pattern:
Teeth and mouth problems, chronic upper-respiratory issues, lots of choking
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the reasons for our low self-esteen; then do the self-esteem exercises
Grace (attitude) Tendency to be generous, helpful and forgiving toward self and others (does not mean allowing abusive behaviour). The Universal Intelligence holds humanity in a state of grace, that is, unconditional love. Communication is never withheld as a punishment for wrongdoing
Gratitude (attitude) Accepting that each experience in life is given as a learning opportunity, and never as a reward or punishment from God. If too much emphasis is placed on always thanking God for every little thing, it begins to sound as if we're trying to prove to something. The Universal Intelligence knows how we feel before we even think it, so God doesn't mind if we miss an opportunity to say thank you - it doesn't mean we're ungrateful. Saying grace before a meal is a fine practice, but if it's used as a protection against the wrath of God, then gratitude is not the real motive - Fear is the real motive. See prayer
Greed (attitude) Greed is a need to selfishly protect one’s possessions, be they material items, relationships or even simply knowledge. It's also a need to have more than one can possibly use. Greed makes us unwilling to share our belongings but expecting others to share theirs. It is easy to judge, criticize and condemn them when they fail - it is easy to see their greed. It is somewhat more difficult to recognize greed within self.

Have you ever received a gift, and then the giver of the gift tried to tell you how to use that gift? Have you ever received a gift along with a guilt trip? Sounds like: "Here's your gift, and this is what I had to sacrifice in order to get it for you."
Have you ever received a partial gift; for example, an incomplete set of something? Greed prevents the giver from releasing the whole set. Greed is also a need to have something only in order to prevent someone else from having it: "I don't want it, but you can't have it." A gift presented with greed is not a gift - it is an exchange with which the recipient of the "gift" has not knowingly agreed.

It is greed if a person seemingly demands our approval of them, yet selfishly withholds their approval of us. Examples: I promised to give you (whatever), and I know you really want it, so I'm not going to give it to you until I feel like it (maybe I'll even just keep on forgetting my promise). I'll just hang onto this in case I ever need it. I'll keep the best part of this set, but you can have the rest. I don't want it, but you can't have it. I need... With pet hoarding, the thought might be, "Nobody else will care for this poor, homeless animal but me." In this case, it is as if the human is expressing an unresolved inner child issue - that of having received too little or too much attention from his/her caregiver(s), of having been abandoned by his/her caregiver(s), or of having been forced into accepting too much responsibility at an early age.

There is an increasingly common practice of free gifts being offered by corporations and individuals; however, if the giver requires anything from the recipient, it is not free. The cost may not be in money, but personal information. One example of this is so-called free email service that requires a cellphone number to be provided "for the user's protection" (see self-aggrandizement)

Physical effects of the pattern:
Eating disorders, a cluttered lifestyle (pack rat) and, in an extreme form, hoarding
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the reasons for feeling deprived, ignored or neglected
Grief (emotion) Deep sadness over what one feels to be the undeserved loss of a loved one. Along with the sadness can be unrecognized thoughts and feelings of great fear, anger or even resentment toward God - anger over the loss of the dreams that we held for the individual, as with young children; anger for God’s seeming to have punished both the innocent child and us by taking her or him away from us. The loss of a life partner can create anger and resentment toward both God and the loved one, because change was forced into our lives. Unresolved inner child issues can be resolved and released even if the offender has passed away, but extra work is required to ensure that full understanding is gained and that forgiveness takes place
Physical effects of the pattern:
Osteoporosis, diabetes
How to change the pattern: Do
forgiveness exercise
Guide/Angel/Teacher Divine representative who accompanies us throughout our life's voyages and is often referred to as our inner voice. The guides are subject to different spiritual laws than us, and do not come into human form. They are not dead spirits; they are not our long-passed grandparent or parent or sibling or child or pet, although often when we sense our guide’s presence there is a feeling of unconditional love. The guides are entities who have been chosen by God to serve and to assist souls in human form. They are in constant, direct communion with God. Guides other than our personal companion guide do work with us, but the spiritual laws applying to them are different again - they are with us only on a temporary assignment basis. For example, the Archangels will assist in extreme situations by offering their energy and their profound wisdom, but they do not stay with us for our entire lifetime
Guilt (attitude, emotion) Feeling responsible for not meeting expectations, no matter whose they are - or - Excessive feelings of remorse for deeds either done or not done. Guilt is just as hurtful and damaging to us as any of the other negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. Guilt can cause us much pain, and can cause us to behave in ways that are potentially harmful to many. Guilt, condemnation and remorse are interwoven, and all keep us stuck in the past. It is important to remember always that we cannot change the past. We can only learn from it and use it to create change in the here and now. We can never be sure what the future holds. We only live now, and only now can be affected by our behaviour.

People often lay
guilt trips to manipulate and to get their own way, that is, to control others. (e.g.: It's all your fault. If you don't do what I ask, you're bad. Remember how you hurt me in the past?) Sometimes parents take on responsibility for their children's actions. This can help no one: the parent suffers and the child fails to learn responsibility. Since guilt requires punishment, those who feel guilt over some past experience often meet negative experiences in the present. This is not because God wants to punish us, but because we expect some form of punishment. And, since the Universal Intelligence is responsive, our expectation creates the negative experience
Physical effects of the pattern:
Eating disorders
How to change the pattern: Do
forgiveness exercise

Survivor's Guilt (attitude, emotion) This is a crippling condition that can create much pain, discomfort and negativity, and can become an addiction. Losing loved ones through death caused by accident, illness, childbirth, suicide or euthanasia, murder/acts of terrorism or genocide can create survivor's guilt. Remaining healthy when a loved one becomes unwell can also create it, as can growing up as the normal child in a family with a special needs child. (Also, some Christians believe that since Christ died on the cross for them, they must prove their appreciation by inflicting pain upon themselves.) Survivor's guilt says: "I cannot and will not ever succeed. Nothing of lasting benefit can or will come from me. There cannot/will not be any joy in my life. If something good does happen, I cannot/will not celebrate. I cannot/will not contribute to a society that allowed (whatever) to happen." Why? To find enjoyment in life could be seen as a betrayal of the loved one, or of the family. It could be seen as a failure to punish oneself sufficiently. It is important to remember that God does not ever judge, criticize or condemn us. It is also important to remember that the loved one's experiences were a part of their path. We cannot walk their path for them. We must allow them the dignity of ownership. We must not use their experiences as an excuse for failing to live well, or for holding onto resentment or for seeking vengeance, or for punishing ourselves
Physical effects of the pattern:
Heart/lung disorders, depression
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence is in charge of matters of life and death - not us. Then meditate to learn one's true life purpose
Honesty (attitude) Ability to confront Universal Truth - about self, about our experiences, about others. Without Universal Truth, we are left searching futilely for a way to explain why we have had certain experiences or why we have certain behaviours
Humility (attitude) Knowing that we are all children of our Creator in human form, in differing stages of development. We are all capable of ANYTHING, given the proper circumstances. All are equal in the eyes of the Universal Intelligence. Humans are not in charge of everything
Hypocrite (attitude) One who hates it when others behave as poorly as themselves. See also double standard
Ignorance (thought, attitude) Belief that one already knows and therefore requires no further understanding. Ignorance is a condition and a choice that can be spiritually crippling. If one believes that there is only one place to learn about God, one closes the door to potential spiritual growth. If we believe that God no longer communicates with his human children, we are left relying on someone else’s version of Truth
Physical effects of the pattern: Prejudice, hatred, intolerance
How to change the pattern: Become open to the concept that the Universal Intelligence brought all life into existence - to condemn one is to condemn all
Insolence (thought, attitude) Belief that one knows what is best while one's authority figure(s) are fools who haven't a clue. Insolence can come from a multitude of beliefs, for example, "I'm smarter/better than everyone else", "Everyone is supposed to do whatever I want", "I can do whatever I want", I don't have to do what anyone else says." Can stem from too little or too much attention from one's caregivers when growing up, or from one's caregivers being unable or unwilling to say, "No" to the child. The insolent person often suffers from a lack of real self-worth, which contributes greatly to their need to be in control of everything at all times, and often using the threat of a temper tantrum to control others
Spiritual effects of the pattern:
Lack of respect for self and others
Physical effects of the pattern: Nose issues, obesity
How to change the pattern: Become open to the concept that the Universal Intelligence brought all life into existence - to condemn one is to condemn The Source
Jealousy (thought, attitude, emotion) Deep fear of losing someone’s affection, approval or attention. Jealousy can come from feelings of inadequacy (low self-esteem), from a fear of abandonment and/or an inability to trust. Can begin in childhood from too little (or too much!) attention from one's caregivers
Sounds like: You're mine and so you should never have any other relationships or interests in life
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Co-dependent or even wrecked relationships, resentment of self or others, 
hoarding
Physical effects of the pattern: Liver diseases, breast or pancreatic cancer, digestive disorders
How to change the pattern: 
Visit Section 9 of this website and do the meditation and self-esteem exercises, and visit WikiHow to learn how to overcome jealousy
Joy (emotion) Feelings of delight and great pleasure that arise from within us, especially when we have given unselfish service to another. Joy can also come when we are doing something about which we care deeply. We tell ourselves that an act of revenge will bring joy, but any act that harms another cannot bring true joy
Judgment (thought, attitude) Forming a negative opinion of someone, sometimes after consideration or deliberation, sometimes instantly. We need to make some judgments all the time, but the habit could be improved significantly were we to stop judging our fellow humans, since we cannot possibly know what another is thinking. It's judgment to decide that someone is too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too beautiful, too ugly - or whatever - to deserve our respect. The point is that this is a negative behaviour that harms us all. Chronic judgment of others can lead to serious illnesses. Prejudice is accepting someone else’s judgment of someone, without forming our own opinion based on our own experiences. See also gossip
Physical effects of the pattern:
All forms of
arthritis
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.
Losing one's belongings Can happen when we're not concentrating on what we're doing in the moment. If it happens all the time, can be a sign that one is living in victim mode. Can be caused by an unrecognized need to live in chaos
Manipulation (thought, attitude) Using negative behaviours to make someone do what we want instead of just asking (often because we're afraid that they might say no). There are many ways to do this: Using baby talk, uptalk or whining, laying guilt trips,  lying, asking in front of other people, procrastinating, threatening, withholding communication, etc. See also control
Physical effects of the pattern:
Bladder and urinary tract problems, kidney disease
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of one's fear of expressing that which one desires
Martyrdom (attitude) Letting others know how much we have suffered and sacrificed in order to help them, or to serve God, with the intention of making them feel indebted to us
Spiritual manifestations of the pattern: Laying guilt trips
Physical effects of the pattern: Back or shoulder pain, speaking in an artificially happy tone of voice
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that wanting others to be grateful for our help leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.
Meditation (thought) Meditation is communication - two-way communication - between us and the Universal Intelligence. It is the act of asking questions and paying attention to hear the answers. Learn how. See also prayer
Mercy (thought, attitude) Tendency to be kind, forgiving and sympathetic to those in difficult circumstances (including self). Being merciful does not necessarily mean rescuing someone by doing their work for them, because that can do more harm than good. It means being a non-judgmental shoulder to cry on. It means giving information when invited to do so
Misanthropic (attitude) Believing the very worst about humanity (or self) and doing nothing about it because it would be pointless anyway, right? See also distrust
Spiritual effects of the pattern:
Extremely unlikely to have close, satisfying relationships
Physical effects of the pattern: Nasal or sinus issues
How to change the pattern:
 
Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence exists and communicates with us
Obedience (attitude) Asking God for guidance, waiting around long enough to hear it and then following it. Obedience does not mean doing what another human tells you to do, or doing what they say God says you must do - it means following the instructions given to you by your own guide when you have asked for assistance from the Universal Intelligence
Obsessive/Compulsive Behaviours Inability to cope with life without doing certain routines when certain things have happened; the seemingly uncontrollable urge to repeat a behaviour, whether or not it is acted out. The behaviour is usually done in response to repression or suppression of strong emotions. It is a way to have some measure of control when one feels like a victim. This is one form of addiction that is every bit as difficult to treat as a chemical dependency. However, when one is dedicated to healing self, tremendous change is possible. Before repeating any behaviour, it is important to remember that we have the ability to choose. See perfectionism and OCD.
Physical effects of the pattern:
alcohol/drug use, checking, counting, dawdling/chronic lateness, chronic lying, eating disorders, exercise, gambling (usually triggered when one feels bad and needs assurance that "God still loves me"), hair removal, hair twirling, hand-washing, looking in the mirror, perfectionism, picking at skin flaws, repeating phrases or movements, self-mutilation, sexual encounters, shopping, whining and so on. All of the behaviours can be crippling. They can repel people (sometimes that's the whole idea!) and they can anger people (a side benefit). They often end up creating the exact situation that one is trying to avoid
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to identify and resolve the root cause(s)
Patience (attitude) Ability to wait without having any negative thoughts, attitudes or emotions. In these days of almost instant gratification, we see more and more outbursts of rage – on roads, in airplanes, even simply standing in a lineup. It seems like we get angry over having to wait any longer than 30 seconds for whatever it is we’re wanting
How to build patience: We can use wait time as an opportunity to get centred and focus on what’s happening around us
Peace (emotion) State of calm, acceptance, forgiveness, tolerance. Many believe that a higher intelligence - either Jesus or possibly extraterrestrials - will come to Planet Earth to save humanity from the brink of destruction, but that sounds a little too easy. How exactly could it come about? Unless they simply force Peace upon us (rather a contradiction in terms), something will be required of us to bring it about. What if that higher intelligence said that in order to save ourselves, we would have to forgive all those who had ever harmed us in any way, intentionally or otherwise? How might we feel? What if that higher intelligence said that there can be no peace on the planet so long as even one of us holds onto hatred, intolerance, prejudice and/or resentment? What would we do? What could we do? Would we be able to forgive someone who had harmed us or our loved ones, or someone who had committed a heinous crime? Believe it or not, it can be done. It takes an open mind and an open heart, but it can be done
Cause for hope:
Although it may not seem so, the peoples of this planet are gradually evolving toward democratic peace. It's a very slow process, because after all, we all want what we want when we want it. As the knowledge and spirit of universal equality becomes more widespread though, peace will continue to escalate
How to build peace:
Do the forgiveness exercises. See also war
Perfectionism (attitude) Inability or unwillingness to accept any person or thing that does not meet excessively rigid standards. When we place these standards upon another person, we are controlling them, and judging, criticizing and condemning them. It is control when we in effect say, “You must do this my way, the right way, the only way.” It is judgment and criticism when we decide that they are doing it wrong, and condemnation when we decide to punish them in some way for their inability or unwillingness to do what we want, the way we want it done. When we place these standards upon ourselves, we do it to gain either our own or someone else's approval (whether or not they are present). The pattern of perfectionism can begin early in childhood and is often done in response to the treatment received from one's caregivers. It can develop when a child receives constant negative attention for doing anything that does not meet the standards held for that child by the caregivers, or when the child feels invisible in the family. Perfectionism can become an obsessive/compulsive behaviour
Soounds like: "If I don't do it, it won't get done right." "It has to be done this way."
Physical effects of the pattern:
Always looking to catch someone in an error, acne, liver diseases, some forms of arthritis
How to change the pattern: Do the Tolerance exercises.
Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.
Persecution Complex (attitude, emotion) Feeling that everyone is out to get me, or is judging me, or is thinking about me (see narcissistic, self-importance, victim). This pattern can stem either too little or too much favourable attention in early childhood
Sounds like: Did you see the way they were looking at me?
Physical effects of the pattern:
Difficulty in maintaining close, satisfying relationships
, hiding one’s face when speaking, mumbling or talking fast
How to change the pattern: Do self-esteem exercise
Pessimism (attitude) Outlook on life that says, "What's the point - things will never work out the way I want anyway". This attitude is the result of having judged, criticized and condemned self, others, and/or the Universal Intelligence  for failing to reward our efforts or give us that which we desire or feel we need. Can begin as an act of spite or revenge. See also passive/aggressive
Sounds like: Things will never turn out right. What else is new? I’ll never amount to anything
Physical effects of the pattern:
Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, chronic lower back pain and/or sciatica, eye problems, insomnia and other sleep disorders
How to change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result
Prayer (thought, attitude) - Act of talking to the Universal Intelligence. Many use prayer to ask God for favours (see control); for example, heal me...heal someone else...keep someone alive...let someone die...punish someone for me...let my team win the big game...let me win the lottery... Saying the words, "Thy will be done," can avoid much needless worry and distress. Many use prayer as a protection from evil or from the wrath of God. This is not prayer - this is ritual and superstition, which is nothing more than fear that has become habit. Try two-way communication – meditation – and experience the profound life changes that are possible. See also unconditional love
Procrastination (attitude) Putting off doing that which one has agreed to do. This is a passive/aggressive act of control. See avoidance, laziness. Those who fail to live up to their commitments often have a mate who nags, yet claim innocence in playing any part in the pattern. The procrastination/nagging game can go on for years, with one person blaming the other for their own failure to communicate
Physical effects of the pattern:
Hearing, seeing or memory problems, hypochondria
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn what we're trying to gain or create by avoiding doing that which needs to be done
Rejection (thought) Dismissing someone or something because of inferiority or imperfection (see also cold shoulder). We can use rejection as a punishment when we have judged, criticized and condemned someone or something. Rejection of a person can be a form of abandonment. Rejection of an idea can be a form of denial. When someone has rejected us, we can feel ashamed of our words, our actions or ourselves
Physical effects of the pattern:
All forms of
arthritis
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.
Repression (thought) Inability or unwillingness to acknowledge that one has had a negative experience. This is a learned behaviour that can begin in very early childhood as a conscious choice, but develops into a seemingly unconscious behaviour whenever one experiences strong emotions. See also denial
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Unexpected explosive rages
Physical effects of the pattern: Addictions, digestive issuesobsessive/compulsive behaviours
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the 
grieving exercise
Resentment (thought, attitude, emotion) Holding onto a deep-seated grudge against someone who has hurt or offended us and can create the habitual need for revenge. Words like, “I hate you and I will never forgive you,” or, “You'll pay for that,” show that resentment is already forming. We can even get addicted to the high that comes from allowing our hurt to excuse us from behaving responsibly. Holding onto resentment can become a habitual response to people or circumstances that do not meet with our approval. Check out my blog on Legacy Resentment
Physical effects of the pattern:
All forms of
arthritis, digestive disorders, heart/lung problems, high cholesterol, bladder and urinary tract problems
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.
Respect (attitude) Willingness to treat one another (and ourselves) with patience and tolerance, mercy and forgiveness, because we are all children of the Universal Intelligence. We are all in varying stages of development and we are all capable of greatness, or of making terrible choices. Being respectful can build healthy, cooperative relationships; however, respecting others is no guarantee that they will return it. That doesn’t mean they don’t deserve ours, it just means that we are setting a good example that they can either follow, or not - the choice is theirs to make. Using someone else’s possessions and/or taking their property without their permission, and then saying, "I didn't think you'd mind" is actually disrespect and a guilt trip, because it can shame the person into pretending not to mind. Failure to ask can stem either from fear that permission might not be granted or from the belief that we are somehow "entitled" (see arrogance)
Revenge (thought, attitude, emotion) Deep need to retaliate against someone who has offended us by hurting someone/anyone as badly as we have been hurt (e.g., gossiping, hazing). Revenge can also be a desire to teach someone a lesson they won’t forget.  In its more subtle form, we might abandon the offender and/or withhold communication from her or him. Such behaviour can easily spiral downward into depression. It can become an obsessive compulsion. Words like, “I was hurt so it’s okay for me to hurt anyone who gets in my way,” “What goes around comes around,” “Serves you right,” or “God will get you for this" or "God will hurt you for me,” are all expressions of the desire for revenge. Let’s look at this illogical hope that God will hurt someone for us: Since we are all children of God, why would the Universal Intelligence, the Creator of everything and everyone, want to hurt any of us? God loves each of us unconditionally so He cannot possibly judge, criticize or condemn anyone. Ever.

We can feel that hurting others is the only way to deal with our pain, but there is another way…forgiveness! However, before we can forgive it is necessary to stop allowing ourselves to react to negative situations with resentment. Sharing our feelings is a great start because very often, the offender hasn’t even a clue that their words/actions were hurtful. At the very least, communication can validate our experience, and it might even open the door to new understanding.

World peace will be impossible until we as individuals stop resenting others and wanting revenge. So let’s not leave it up to the other guy, or the government, or other countries. Let us be the one to flex our
forgiveness muscle
Physical effects of the pattern:
Heart/lung problems, high cholesterol, digestive problems
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that hatred leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc. Plus, check out my blog on Resentment, Revenge and Legacy Resentment
Sacrifice (attitude) Being willing to set aside our needs or beliefs in order to be of service to the Universal Intelligence. We often call it sacrifice when we help someone, even though we really do it because we are unable to say no to her or him, but true sacrifice means giving up what we want to do, or in favour of what the Universal Intelligence (through our guide in meditation) has asked, or not doing something we want to do because the Universal Intelligence (through our guide in meditation) has asked that we not. Sometimes this includes us having to say no to someone because our helping would interfere with their required life lesson. Learn to meditate the new way
Sarcasm (attitude) Words (whether spoken aloud or not) that are intended to ridicule or harm self or another under the guise of humour
Physical effects of the pattern:
Upper respiratory issues
How to change the pattern: Do
self-esteem exercise
Scorn (attitude) Treating someone as though they are less than human and unworthy of our respect. This attitude is the result of having judged, criticized and condemned someone, and scorn is the punishment. Giving someone a dirty look is an act of scorn and can be an act of manipulation. See self-righteousness
Physical effects of the pattern:
A chronic scornful attitude can help to create
arthritis, heart disease, eye diseases and nose problems
How to change the pattern: Do
tolerance exercise
Seeking of Truth and Understanding (thought, attitude) Being willing to confront the Universal Truth about ourselves, about our experiences and about our belief systems can lead us to full understanding, which enables us to release the past fully and with love. When we resent someone, we often feel fully justified in not seeking any understanding at all about the offending person's possible motives or intentions for their words or actions. All too often though, offenders are not even aware that they have caused injury. That's one of the reasons why forgiveness is so important: Couldn't our time be better spent than holding a grudge against someone whose behaviour may not even have been intended to harm us?
Self-aggrandizement (thought, attitude) Using others to further oneself and one's own interests, under the guise of it being for the other guy's benefit. Examples:
.  Making others think that what we advise them to do is to help them, and will not help us in any way
.  Selling a product under the false pretense that the buyer will benefit because of it, or will come to harm without it, when the only true reason for selling it is to make a profit
Physical effects of the pattern: Heart problems, digestive issues, foot problems
How to change the pattern: Do
self-esteem exercise
Self-importance (attitude) Belief that oneself is more deserving of attention than everybody else, and that everything that happens to self should be of the utmost importance to everybody. Can be the belief that one's belief systems are flawless. Can be the belief that everything that happens, be it an experience or even a conversation, is about self. Holding oneself in very high regard. Pride and conceit are offshoots of ego and self-importance. Self-importance and self-condemnation often go hand-in-hand, because even though we might feel very proud of some of our accomplishments, we might also be ashamed of some of our words or actions
Sounds like: What about me? Me, me, me. Let's talk about me and my family, or friends, or pets, or job, or hobbies, or experiences; anything, so long as I don't have to listen to anything about you (see
babblenarcissistic)
Physical effects of the pattern: 
Chronic 
flatulence, vertigo
How to change the pattern: Do
self-esteem exercise
Self-interest (attitude) Using others to one's benefit, with regard only for self
Physical effects of the pattern:
Digestion disorders
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the reasons for feeling ignored or neglected
Self-righteousness (thought, attitude) Belief that self is morally pure and beyond reproach, used in comparison against someone whom we have judged as being less than perfect. No one can escape life on earth without having harmed another, either physically or emotionally, whether we intended to or not
Sounds like: I would never hurt anyone the way you've hurt me - or - God will punish you, but he'll forgive me
Physical effects of the pattern:
High cholesterol, eye problems, sepsis
How to change the pattern: Do
the forgiveness exercises
Shame (emotion) Feelings of embarrassment, guilt and remorse that come upon seeing (or being told by someone) that self is not perfect. Shame can lead to feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt and low self-esteem. It often creates the need to live in a state of secrecy about oneself and one’s experiences. Deep shame is often associated with a constant state of fear, even panic, that one will be found out. It can also create the need for addictive behaviours and substances.  Abused children often have a deep sense of shame, for they can believe that they were responsible for their negative experiences. Shame is also a component of survivor's guilt
Sounds like: It's all my fault and I should be punished. I'm bad and everyone can see it
Physical effects of the pattern:
Skin problems like acne, rosacea, rash
How to change the pattern: Do
self-esteem, grieving and forgiveness exercises
Should (thought, attitude) This is a word of control that is used when telling someone what you think they need to do. We often think we know what's best for others but maybe, just maybe, we don't. Before telling someone else what they should do, consider how it feels when someone else tells us what to do!
Physical effects of the pattern:
Nerve damage,
high cholesterol
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of one's desire/need to be in charge
Silent rebellion (thought, attitude, emotion) Actions that one chooses to take when feeling completely powerless to improve one's on-going emotional plight. The actions need only have the effect of shocking, annoying or repelling anyone coming into contact. Examples (in no particular order) are: laziness, poor posture, wearing too much perfume, refusing to bathe, wearing dirty, ill-fitting or revealing clothing, wearing garish makeup, getting tattoos and/or body piercings, styling one's hair to be shocking

The alternative, addressing the issue with the person or people contributing to the plight, is not even a possibility because of the belief that it would be pointless because "they" will always win, no matter what. The fear is that discussion could even make things worse, if that were possible.

When someone feels so impotent that they have to resort to some form of silent rebellion, they can feel that there's no point in doing anything at all (laziness) - and there's certainly no point in doing anything well. They've lost hope that these conditions will ever change, and they've learned that nothing they do will ever have any positive outcome. It's a miracle to them if they're able to even get up out of bed in the morning.

This complete and utter despair comes as a result of constant judgment, criticism and condemnation from a loved one. No matter what they say or do, that person will never give their approval, so of course they have no dreams, for what would be the point? They'll just get dumped on anyway, so they see no reason to even try.

The so-called laziness continues until they finally figure out a way to get back at those they feel have created this condition. Then it's, "Aha, i have it!" and they're on the road to doing self-destructive behaviours that are even more harmful than laziness, and not knowing why they're doing them. Because they've finally taken action, the anger and frustration magically go away (or at least become suppressed) and that's all that really matters.

What to do about it...
As difficult as it can be to stop needing that someone's approval, that's exactly what's needed to start changing the pattern. Start living for oneself, instead of living to hear from someone else that what we're doing is good, and right, and important. Of course the loved one will NOT LIKE this change and will do everything in their power to make things go back to the way they were, so it's important to be strong and to know that that one person is only one person. There's a world full of people who will happily give their approval...not everyone, but many. As Abraham Lincoln said, "You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time". The sooner we come to peace with this truth, the sooner we can get on with our lives and become who we were meant to be
Soul mate The belief that says that we are incomplete without another specific person whom God created only for us.  See also Will I ever find my soul mate?
Physical effects of the pattern:
Co-dependent relationships, victim mentality
How to change the pattern: Do
self-esteem exercise
Spite (attitude) Attitude that says, "Your treatment of me will prevent me from ever enjoying life". Spite is a form of revenge. Choosing to live one's life in deprivation or misery is an act of revenge that hurts no one but self. Returning a cherished gift to its original owner can be an act of spite; likewise acts of suicide and/or abandonment
Physical effects of the pattern:
Heart/lung problems, high cholesterol, digestive problems
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that the need for revenge leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.; then check out my blog on Resentment, Revenge and Legacy Resentment
Stress (attitude) Self-imposed punishment (implies that judgment, criticism and condemnation have already taken place). We place stress on ourselves when we:
  • try to live up to impossible standards; so-called, "keeping up with the Jones's. Nobody's perfect - not even the Jones's. If we try to keep up with (or get ahead of) the Jones's, that is the behaviour our children may copy
  • try to meet others' supposed expectations of us. Whose approval are we really trying to win?
  • try to make important decisions on our own, without input from the Universal Intelligence
  • believe that we are responsible for just about anything or everything

Post-traumatic stress disorder can arise after observing or experiencing terrifying events over which one has no control. Somehow we feel that we should have been able to prevent them, or at least been able to fix them or prevent them from ever happening again. The events need not have been life-threatening - they need only have been frightening
P
hysical effects of the pattern: If we feel we are responsible, we can take on guilt. If we feel others are responsible, we can take on a victim mentality and become either extremely passive or extremely aggressive
Secondary Traumatic Stress (can also refer to Compassion fatigue) can arise for those who care for someone who needs constant attention, as well as for those who work on a constant basis with those who have suffered traumatic experiences
How to change the pattern: 
Visit Section 9 of my website and do the how to stop worrying and grieving exercises

Suppression Conscious choice to keep our thoughts, attitudes and emotions about painful experiences hidden from others. Can begin as an act of spite. As with repression, keeping everything bottled up inside can create the need for mood-altering substances or habits. Can also prevent us from forming deep, emotional bonds or meaningful relationships
Physical effects of the pattern:
Obsessive/compulsive behaviours
How to change the pattern:
Visit Section 9 of my website and do the grieving exercise, plus meditate to find the root cause of the behaviour
Tolerance (attitude) Ability to observe people or to have certain experiences without their creating negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions within us. Intolerance creates much of the turmoil on this planet
How to change intolerance: Visit Section 9 of my website and do the tolerance exercises
Trust (thought, attitude) Knowing that we are loved, unconditionally, in every moment of our existence, and that all is well - not by other humans, but by our Creator. Knowing that everything required for our learning will be provided. Knowing that each and every experience is given by the Universal Intelligence to help us learn how to love unconditionally - both others and ourselves. For example, an abused child can often wonder why or how his/her caregivers could be verbally, emotionally or physically abusive. There's a high chance of the child learning to believe that there is no higher power in whom to trust. When the child becomes a parent and treats her or his own children the same way, it is hoped that the (now adult) child will gain the understanding that he or she was seeking by experiencing, first-hand, the conditions that create a need to abuse; thereby learning unconditional love for self and for her/his caregivers. Of course, not all abused children become abusive. Although in the minority, some do manage to deal with their pain and use their negative experiences to improve themselves, rather than using it as an excuse to treat others as they were treated. However, their numbers are growing, and they will eventually outnumber those who do not overcome the challenges of their early life experiences. The chances for peace on earth continue to grow as more and more people learn to walk in forgiveness
Unconditional Love Acceptance without conditions (a lack of negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions). The Universal Intelligence loves us unconditionally. There is nothing we have to do, nothing we have to change, in order to be loved by God. When we feel Universal energy, we are feeling the unconditional love that exists for each and every one of us. Believing that God judges us is to believe that God's love is conditional, and this is an untruth and an impossibility, because judgment, criticism and condemnation are conditional. Unconditional love can be seen as "tough love", because it allows us to experience all things - both positive and negative. It allows there to be physical consequences for our spiritual choices. It allows us to feel pain; it allows us to cause pain. See free will
Universal Intelligence The Source of everything that is. It is energy - deeply intelligent, responsive, unconditionally loving energy. When tapping into it, we can feel an upwelling of emotion that can literally bring tears to our eyes. It is in that moment that we feel that everything is ok, there's nothing we need to do or change in order to be accepted - we are loved unconditionally
Victim (attitude) Belief that that there is no protection from what's out there. Belief that everything negative in one's life has been caused by anyone or anything but self. This can be a crippling handicap. The pattern can usually be traced to a traumatic childhood experience that was never resolved. Can come from the repeated failure of one's caregivers to protect the child from coming to harm. Can also come from over-protective parenting. See also blame. People stuck in victim mode often have pity parties; that is, they go on and on about how everyone has hurt them, everyone is better off than them, nothing ever works out for them, nobody likes them, etc. We become a victim as soon as we believe that there is nothing we can do to change our life experience, or to protect ourselves from others' negative actions, thoughts, attitudes and emotions. See also passive/aggressive; narcissism
Physical effects of the pattern:
HIV/AIDS, anemia, knee problemsrheumatoid arthritis, some forms of cancer, Crohn's Disease, athlete's foot
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do all the
spiritual exercises
War In order to fully understand why war exists, we must be willing to acknowledge that we ourselves have negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. Self-awareness brings the realization that we're all alike, we're all equal, we're all capable of anything (good or bad), given the proper circumstances. Holding a grudge against someone for failing to live up to our standards, or for not giving us what we want, is the first step toward war on a personal level. We justify our actions by saying that the person or people we harmed deserved it because somehow they're less than human; they're flawed.

Those political leaders who we blame for starting wars are no different than us. They want what they want when they want it, so they take it. War begins when someone stands up to them and says they can’t have it. The trouble is that they embroil their entire country with their temper tantrum and take them down a path of wanton fury, making them think it’s for their benefit (self-aggrandizement on a massive scale). Another society is then forced to take on the role of their parent(s) who failed to teach the child the rules of fair play.

Sounds like:
On a personal level: Stealing from a corporation (e.g., making false or inflated insurance claims), using someone's property without their permission, encroaching on our neighbour’s property, etc.
On a national level: Forcibly subjecting segments of the population to various forms of control and/or extinction
On an international level: Forcibly taking over the lands of another domain and subjecting its inhabitants to various forms of control and/or extinction
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of my website and do all of the spiritual exercises therein. Plus c
heck out my blog on Legacy Resentment
Worry (thought, attitude) Busy thoughts; wondering how everything is going to turn out; trying to plan everything; wondering what others are thinking; wondering how others will react to your action(s). Excessive worrying can create anxiety and even panic attacks. Worry is often used as a means of control over our loved ones, and indicates that judgment, criticism and condemnation have already taken place. For example, when we say we are worried about someone, it is in effect saying that we think they are incapable of doing the right thing. We are saying that we think they will come to some harm if they continue doing whatever it is they are doing. People in co-dependent relationships often worry about their partner. They say that they are concerned that their loved one will come to some harm, but the real worry is about themselves. This is not unconditional love - it is control. See also Hyperemesis gravidarum
Sounds like:
What if... If I do this, then he/she will do... If I do this, then he/she will think...
Physical effects of the pattern: Chronic bleeding nose, digestive problems tinnitus and other ear problems, hair loss, insomnia, nail biting or chronic pain
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of my website and do the
how to stop worrying exercise
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