Our Spiritual Nutrition

Section 6 - Spiritual Glossary

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This section gives the spiritual meaning of many thoughts, attitudes and emotions along with some behaviours and a few commonly spoken words or phrases.

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Abandonment |  Absenteeism  | Anger | Anxiety | Arrogance | At least | Avoidance

Blame

Child abuse | Co-dependent relationship | Compassion | Condemnation | Contempt| Control | Criticism

Dawdling | Denial | Distress | Distrust | Double standard | Dread

Ego | Embarrassment | Envy

Faith | Fear| Finally | Forbearance | Forgiveness | Free will

Gossip | Grace | Gratitude | Greed | Grief | Guide/angel/teacher | Guilt | Guilt trips

Honesty | Humility | Hypocrite

Ignorance | Insolence

Jealousy | Joy | Judgment
Manipulation | Martyrdom | Meditation | Mercy | Misanthropic

Obedience | Obsessive/compulsive behaviours

Patience | Peace | Perfectionism | Persecution complex | Pessimism | Pet hoarding | Post-traumatic stress disorder | Prayer | Procrastination

Rejection | Repression | Resentment | Respect | Revenge | Reverse abandonment

Sacrifice | Sarcasm | Scorn | Seeking of truth and understanding | Self-aggrandizement | Self-importance | Self-interest | Self-righteousness | Shame | Should | Soul mate | Spite | Stress | Suppression | Survivor's guilt

Tolerance | Trust

Unconditional love

Victim

War | Worry
Abandonment (thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour) Overwhelming desire to run away from a difficult situation, and can become a habitual response to issues that trigger us (also called "running away"). Abandonment can take many forms:
  • Withholding communication to punish others ("You don't deserve me")
  • Escaping a situation via the use of a chemical substance (food, drugs or alcohol)
  • Doing things that exclude others (listening to loud music, playing/working on computer, watching television or movies)
  • Abruptly hanging up the telephone on someone with whom we have just had a disagreement or abruptly turning one’s back or leaving the room during a conversation
  • Wishing that a disagreeable neighbour would just move away
  • Refusing to have further dealings of any sort with someone after they have done something that meets with our displeasure (can come from resentment or from a need for revenge)
  • Having a death wish for anyone with whom emotional difficulties are encountered on a somewhat regular basis (spouse, child, employer, teacher, colleague, etc.)
  • Threatening (or committing) suicide. In the case of suicide (or any other negative behaviour), it is important to remember that only we are responsible for our behaviours, and we always have the ability to choose. Suicide threats can be the ultimate temper tantrum

Physical effects of the pattern: Addictions, obsessive/compulsive disorder, heel spurs, hip and knee problems, heart disease
How to change the pattern: Instead of running away, speak. Say what's on your mind. Even if you think the other person doesn't want to hear it or doesn't care what you think, say it!

Reverse abandonment People with a fear of abandonment often tend to treat others poorly to remain in control of a relationship ("I'll make you leave me so that I'm not surprised when you leave me"), or by seeming to have a nasty disposition ("If I'm mean enough, nobody will want to have anything to do with me. Then there'll be no danger of anyone leaving me").
How to change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result. Fear brings about that which is feared.

Absenteeism Inability or unwillingness to "be there" for work, school, home, family, or any responsibility. See also abandonment
Anger (emotion) Strong feeling of displeasure or hostility. Anger cannot be dealt with and released if it is repressed or suppressed, and it can then become resentment. People can use the threat of an angry outburst to control and manipulate others. If we allow our fear of someone's angry outburst to prevent us from speaking Truth, we might be blaming him or her for our own behaviour. e.g.: Why can't you ever...? Why do you always...? When is it going to be my turn? How could you do this to me? Of course, anger can also be used to bring about positive changes. This website exists because of my own frustration at having no practical spiritual resources available (sorry, but religion didn't help me AT ALL)
Physical effects of the pattern: Habitually carrying anger can create
heartburn/indigestion, liver problems, depression, migraine headaches, skin disorders, heart disease and stroke to, ultimately, a general systems failure. The physical results do not manifest in the one we’re angry with; rather, they appear in one’s own body
How to change the pattern: Ask questions instead of assuming that you already know.
Anxiety (emotion) Intense feelings of dread, uneasiness or apprehension that arise for no apparent reason. The feelings can become so overwhelming that panic sets in. These feelings are a reflection of unrecognized fears within that have been allowed to run amok.) Like addictions, anxiety can be a learned behaviour. Finding the spiritual root cause can bring true inner peace. e.g.: Gasp! What if...?
Physical effects of the pattern: The physical results of long-term anxiety can be
heart/lung and skin disorders, as well as the appearance of being nervous - shaky hands, repetitive scratching, inability to concentrate or focus on the matter at hand, sudden, jerky movements
How to change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result. Fear brings about that which is feared. Focus on the open road instead of the fence running beside it.
Arrogance (attitude) An attitude that places oneself above (or below) all others, and a tendency to announce this superiority (or inferiority!) to others. Arrogant people tend to believe that rules and laws apply to everyone else but them. Arrogance is a lack of respect for other people, their possessions and their boundaries, and a lack of consideration for their needs and feelings. Arrogance can be seen in bullies, who tend to be loud, aggressive and/or controlling. Arrogant people seem to feel justified in whatever they are doing, yet make no attempt to understand or excuse anyone else's behaviour. They seem to think the world owes them a debt, and/or that meeting their needs (or those of their children/pets) should be everybody's top priority. Arrogance can come from low self-esteem or from over self-confidence (see bi-polar disorder). Arrogant people tend to disobey traffic laws by habitually speeding (or refusing to keep up with the speed limit), parking illegally or even driving drunk. They are very often late for appointments and scheduled events such as flight departures or movies. They often claim forgetfulness when failing to honour commitments. See also passive/aggressive. e.g.: It's ok if I break the law. It's ok if I cheat. It's ok if I hold onto anger and resentment and seek revenge
Physical effects of the pattern: Arrogance can manifest in physical in the
heart, the digestive system, the face and nose and even the feet
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn who we're really trying to hurt
At least (thought, attitude) When these words are used to compare self to another, shows that judgment, criticism and condemnation have taken place. See self-righteousness
Avoidance The pattern of wanting to postpone, indefinitely, that which needs to be done. Avoidance of the responsibilities of daily life is only one part of this pattern. When working with the Universal Intelligence to resolve inner conflicts, the desire to not look will be honoured unless we state to our guide that even though there may be fear, our true desire is to deal with the past and look for full understanding and Universal Truth. We can want to avoid forgiving those who have harmed us. We often avoid answering difficult questions. Wanting to avoid feeling discomfort of any sort can result in an extreme fear of anything beyond our realm of control. Avoidance of making decisions can result in clutter and "pack-rat-ism". Avoidance and denial work together. The term, "productive procrastination" has been coined to show that we can fool ourselves into thinking that we are so busy being productive that we cannot possibly find the time to do the thing that we know needs to be done, or the thing that we have promised we will do. e.g.: I can't meet my commitment because my spouse, children, pet, boss... I'll just do this one thing and then I'll... See also procrastination
Physical effects of the pattern: Long-term avoidance can result in sensory problems or failure (
hearing, seeing, memory, etc.). Sometimes we can want so badly to avoid doing something that we can wish we were sick so that we can escape our duties without blame. The long-term result of such a wish can be chronic ailments, or even hypochondria. Can also create co-dependency between the one avoiding and the one nagging
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn what we're trying to create by avoiding doing something
Blame (attitude, emotion) Placing responsibility for our misfortune or for our own negative behaviours on someone or something else, be it another human, God, "Satan", negative energies, genetics, the environment, anything or anyone but self. The blame pattern prevents us from looking for the Truth about our part in our own misfortune. Blame is often an ingredient in denial. See also victim. e.g.: You made me fail. You made me hurt you. It's all your fault. It's all their fault
Physical effects of the pattern: Habitual blame can create
anemia, arthritis, eye problems, heartburn and/or indigestion, high blood pressure, kidney disorders, post-nasal drip, poor posture, thyroid problems, tooth decay
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn whose approval we're trying to gain by not taking responsibility for our words/actions
Child Abuse Depriving a child of any of the basic necessities of life or withholding them as a punishment: love, approval, attention, affection, emotional support, physical food, privacy, sleep. Inflicting physical or emotional pain on a child, whether as punishment for a “wrong-doing” or as a means of teaching discipline, is seen as child abuse. The abuse can be obvious, as when a child is physically beaten, but it can also be subtle, leaving no visible scars, as with verbal or emotional abuse. It is the caregiver's responsibility to find ways to teach the child without being abusive. Child abuse and neglect are seen as a failure of the caregivers to provide both physical nurturing and emotional support for those who have been placed in their care. Child abuse can occur when the caregiver treats a child in a negative way in order to win the approval of an authority figure (whether it is a person or a thing). Some victims of child abuse never recover and develop addictions or turn to crime, never finding peace
Physical effects of the pattern: If you were the victim of child abuse, effects can range from chronic pain (spiritual and/or physical) that requires constant "medication" to all sorts of physical illnesses
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that the statement "Once a victim, always a victim" is no longer true. If we can confront the truth that we are not responsible for how our caregivers raised us, we can begin to see ourselves as children of God instead of our caregivers' children
Co-dependent relationship There is a fine line between being supportive of someone and being in a co-dependent relationship with him or her. Almost any human relationship can become co-dependent (spouses, parents, siblings, children, friends, co-workers, etc.). It stops being supportive when it starts preventing independent thought and action. Shows a lack of trust either for self or the other person
Physical effects of the pattern: Co-dependent relationships can create an inability to be out of communication with the other party; inability to make independent decisions; inability to make appointments independently; inability to fend for oneself;
compulsive need to share everything (information, clothing, food, experiences...); extreme distress at the thought of ever losing the other person (fear of abandonment) ; belief that this person is one's soul mate
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that we were created as a complete soul
Compassion (attitude, emotion) Feeling deep concern; caring for another in their time of need, without any desire to control them or to change their circumstances in any way. Compassion allows others the dignity to work through difficult experiences in their own way, in their own time, offering assistance only when invited. Uninvited assistance can be a form of control
Condemnation (thought) Declaring a punishment for someone who has been found guilty of something. Condemnation indicates that judgment and criticism have already taken place. See also revenge. Some condemnation phrases: You're not as good as me, so you deserve to suffer. You made a mistake, so you can never again be trusted. What a stupid idiot! Rolling one's eyes can indicate that condemnation has just taken place
Physical effects of the pattern: Long-term condemnation can result in any form of arthritis, multiple sclerosis and other neuro-musculo-skeletal disorders
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn where the belief in one's superiority began and see that the belief is inaccurate and incorrect
Contempt (attitude) Tendency to consider everyone (sometimes including self) unworthy of respect, patience, tolerance or compassion. This attitude can prevent us from ever finding peace or contentment in our lives. Shows that judgment and criticism have taken place
Physical effects of the pattern:
Often occurs along with
arrogance and condemnation, so can have similar physical effects
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn where the belief in one's superiority began and see that the belief is inaccurate and incorrect
Control (thought, attitude) Exercising one’s will over another, no matter how pure or impure the intention or the motivation. Forcing our help upon another when it has not been invited is control. It is control to insinuate that someone needs to do something we want them to do without asking them outright. Asking God for favours for someone else is control - after all – they might not want or need what we think they want or need, even including healing (some people want to be sick - for them, their illness meets some need). In a disagreement with a loved one, bringing up the past can be a means of gaining control of the situation (see memory). Adoptive parents can, perhaps unintentionally, use guilt trips as a means of gaining or maintaining control over their charges (no matter their age). For example, "If it weren't for us, you'd be an orphan." It is control to assume that we know what another person is thinking. It is also control to pretend that we know everything. Practical jokes are a form of control. (It's just not funny to ridicule someone for not knowing what we know.) It's control to try to steal someone's attention, no matter the motive. (Obsessive/compulsive behaviours are often done to get control of someone's attention.) Before telling someone else what to do, think of how it feels when someone tells you what to do. Control phrases: Let me do it. You should... Call me when you get home so I don't have to worry. We are allowing ourselves to be controlled when we do what another person has told us to do (see blame and victim)
Physical effects of the pattern:
Nerve damage,
high cholesterol
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of one's desire/need to be in charge
Criticism (thought, attitude) Giving an unkind comment, whether spoken aloud or not, whether invited or not. The Universal Intelligence hears our every thought! Criticism can be an offshoot of low self-esteem and/or the pattern of perfectionism. Typical critical behaviours: always looking to catch someone in an error, always trying to change what someone else has done rather than creating something new, always wanting others to do things the same way as we might
Physical effects of the pattern:
Skin disorders, joint problems and immune system deterioration
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of one's need to make others feel inferior
Dawdling (behaviour) Form of passive/aggressive manipulation You ask someone to do something and then wait as they find a multitude of other things that ‘have’ to be done first. You know they don’t really need to be done and you know that the person is trying to anger you. Or they pretend not to have understood your request and ask all sorts of questions designed to delay doing what you've asked. And then, the instant your patience dissolves, there they are ready to do what you've asked and looking all innocent! Of course the pattern can be changed, but both parties will need to communicate honestly. See also avoidance, victim
Physical effects of the pattern:
Low blood pressure, hormone imbalances
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of one's need to make others angry
Denial (thought) Being unable or unwilling to face the Truth about oneself, one's prior actions or one’s painful experiences, thoughts, attitudes or emotions. Denial and avoidance go hand-in-hand, for they both create an inability to search for full understanding and Universal Truth. Denial can prevent acceptance of responsibility for oneself, thereby creating the need to blame misfortune on someone or something else. See also victim. e.g.: You're wrong. No. I would never do such a thing
Physical effects of the pattern:
Addictions, back problems, confusion and memory lapses (ultimately dementia or even Alzheimer's), vision and/or hearing problems, chronic constipation
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of one's need to make others feel that our motives are beyond reproach
Distress (emotion) Severe discomfort, be it physical, emotional or spiritual, coupled with a feeling that something needs to be done, but not knowing what it is or how to do it. This can be a constant feeling that something awful is going to happen. Long-term distress can become anxiety. e.g.: I just know something dreadful is going to happen
Physical effects of the pattern:
Can manifest as
digestive, skin or sleep disorders, nervous behaviour and inability to concentrate
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of one's fears
Distrust (attitude, emotion) Lack of faith or confidence, in self, in others, in God. There is a fine balance to be struck between trust and distrust of other people. Too much trust in the goodwill of others can lead to disappointment and disillusionment. Sometimes we can even place ourselves in potentially harmful situations when we rely on the goodness of others. Chronic distrust can isolate us and prevent us from learning to work together toward a common goal and can lead to feelings of persecution. Distrust can come from a blanket condemnation of humanity. e.g.: "I just know I'll be the one to get hurt," "Everyone is out for number one," or, as with paranoia, "Everyone is out to get me." See also trust, victim
Physical effects of the pattern:
Can result in unsatisfying relationships, severe allergies, prejudice and/or hatred
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn the source of one's need to live in fear and isolation
Double standard (attitude) Those in authority (parents, teachers, religious leaders, government officials) very often expect everyone else to abide by a strict moral code (that they claim to follow), but fail miserably to meet it themselves. How can others learn how to meet it, and why would they even bother to try, if those in authority don't bother? Often the reverse is true - people expect those in authority to set an example but fail to do so themselves. See also self-righteousness
Physical effects of the pattern:
Can result in unsatisfying relationships, severe allergies, prejudice and/or hatred
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that we are each responsible only for ourselves
Dread (thought, emotion) Fear or belief that life experiences will be negative
Physical effects of the pattern:
Can result in agoraphobia, chronic
lateness, dizziness, knee or leg problems, nausea, post-nasal drip or chronic procrastination
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn that each of life's experiences is a learning opportunity rather than something to be feared
Ego (thought, attitude) Feeling that it's "always about me". Feeling that, “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done, or it won’t get done correctly”. Can be excessive thoughts of pride or self-congratulation. Can become self-importance or even perfectionism. Can be excessive statement making coupled with a shortage of question asking. e.g.: I'm so good. Everybody needs me - I'm indispensable. I know what's best. Or: I'm so bad. Nobody wants me or cares about me. I'm useless and I'll never amount to anything
Physical effects of the pattern:
Lack of meaningful relationships,
bi-polar disorder,
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn balance
Embarrassment (emotion) Uncomfortable feeling that someone has caught you doing something wrong. e.g.: I hurt someone and they'll never forgive me, so I can never forgive myself. I made a mistake and you caught me. See also shame
Physical effects of the pattern:
Skin problems like acne, rosacia, rash
How to change the pattern: Do
forgiveness exercise
Envy (emotion) Feeling of unhappiness or discontent that comes because of something someone else has that you have not, and that you think you would like to have, be it friends, material possessions or personal attributes. Can easily become resentment. Envy can be felt when someone "steals the limelight", and envy can make us want to steal the limelight from others. e.g.: I wish I had your...
Physical effects of the pattern:
Liver diseases, pancreatic cancer, digestive disorders
How to change the pattern: 
Meditate to learn how to love oneself unconditionally
Faith (attitude) A deep sense of knowing that we are, each of us, loved and accompanied by God through life. A lack of faith can create feelings of fear and dread
Fear (emotion) Intense feeling that something bad is going to happen. Can become anxiety or dread. If we allow our fears to immobilize us, we will not be able to walk our life's path with faith, trust and joy. Fear is often used as an excuse for not looking at our inner conflicts, for example, "I'm afraid that if I start crying, I'll never stop." Fear of God's wrath is pervasive in society and we often go to extremes to avoid it by constantly performing rituals or avoiding doing certain things. See also obsessive/compulsive behaviours, gratitude, prayer. e.g.: Gasp! I could never... Gasp! What if God...
Physical effects of the pattern: Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, chronic lower
back pain and/or sciatica
How to change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result. Fear brings about that which is feared

Fear of abandonment (emotion) Feeling that one will be, or has been, left alone and unsupported as a punishment for causing someone’s displeasure. This fear can create a need to be dishonest about what we think and feel, and can make it very difficult to form lasting relationships with others, ourselves or God. Making ourselves indispensable to someone can show a fear of abandonment: You need me, so you can't leave me or fire me. e.g.: If you leave me, I'll die. Spiritual results can be always threatening abandonment at the first sign of trouble: I quit, I give up, Do it yourself, etc.

Fear of change (emotion) Feeling that if everything doesn't stay just exactly as is, one will be at risk. This fear can create a need to avoid working on self. The fear says, "If I change my behaviour, everyone will stop liking me" - or "I'll get fired" - or "My spouse will leave (abandon) me" - or "My children will fail to prosper" - "and it'll be my own fault." It is important to remember that we don't make anyone do anything - they choose their actions, just as we choose ours. We are more likely to allow change if we have chosen it for ourselves, because then we remain in control.

Fear of commitment (emotion) Feeling that if I live up to a commitment, you'll think I'm weak. This fear can cause one to seem arrogant. Very often, people with this fear will agree to a commitment and then promptly fail to show up, yet they can show up so long as no one is expecting them or relying on them. See distrust and passive/aggressive

Fear of confrontation (emotion) This fear prevents us from speaking out when we feel we have been treated unjustly. It stems from a fear of abandonment, and also from a fear of losing someone's approval. There is often a fear that the other person will explode (or implode) in anger and the consequences will be unbearable. The threat of an angry outburst is often used as a form of control, and the fear of an angry outburst is often used as an excuse for not standing up for ourselves or for those who are in our care

Fear of contamination and/or disease (thought, emotion) Terror at the thought of coming into contact with things that might create some disease; for example, germs, insects, animals, other people, sunshine, microwave ovens, cell phones - the list is seemingly endless. Belief that we are victims of the environment. Belief that self is "bad" and will be punished with disease. Disease is not a punishment - it is a natural consequence of negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. Living with this fear can create obsessive worrying and anxiety that prevent one from finding joy in life. It can even become a disease, as with allergies. Albeit unwittingly, young children can develop allergies to mimic a caregiver’s fear(s), or to reflect spiritual imbalances within the family. See also blame

Fear of death and dying (emotion) Without faith that we will return to God when we die, we can live with suppressed dread. A belief in "Hell" can create a deep terror of the afterlife. Coupled with our fear of the pain and discomfort that can often be present when one is very ill or close to death, we can live in a state of avoidance of life, rather than acceptance of all that life has to offer. Believing that someone who harmed you will be sent to Hell is a form of control (see also revenge), because in effect, it requires God to condemn someone

Fear of failure or of success (emotion) Can create immobility and keep us stuck. When one lives with such a fear, it is often judged by humans as being laziness or a lack of ambition. However, your guide knows the Universal Truth and can show you where this pattern originated, and how to change it. The fear of failure can create workaholic - ism. The fear of success can create an inability to see any project through to completion. Do you believe that if you fulfill your life's purpose, God will remove you from Planet Earth? Such a belief could prevent you from accomplishing anything much in this lifetime

Fear of intimacy (emotion) This can be a fear of having a sexual relationship with another, but it can also be a fear of verbally expressing oneself fully. Can come from feelings of shame or embarrassment over one's physical appearance or one's innermost thoughts, which can stem from a fear of abandonment. Can manifest in physical as mouth, teeth and gum problems

Fear of invasion (emotion) Extreme concern about someone with harmful motives entering one's space without permission. In its extreme, can be the belief that everyone has the intention to find you, find out everything about you and then use the information to harm you. Can be the belief that everyone is greedy and malicious. Can also be the fear that one's body will be invaded by injury, illness and disease. Can also be the fear that UFO's are real and are malicious. See also self-importance. Can manifest in physical as back and/or knee problems

Fear of negative energies (thought, attitude, emotion) Extreme concern that if one fails to live up to religious expectations, one risks being harmed by energies over which one has no control, for example, the devil or his minions. Can manifest in physical as severe allergies, accident proneness, constant negative life experiences that make one feel like a victim

Fear of retribution (thought, emotion) Chronic concern that one's thoughts or actions will bring harm to one and all. Can begin in childhood when one feels invisible and sees a consistent lack of fair and equitable treatment, e.g., one parent (or sibling) unfairly receives more perks and benefits or attention than another. Can be the belief that God punishes or rewards us in the here and now. Can be the belief that self is not worthy of "the good things in life". Can become a chronic concern that if one doesn't do everything just right (see perfectionism), or if one has a moment of happiness, something terrible will happen to self or a loved one. See also obsessive/compulsive behaviours

Fear of telling the truth (thought) Terror at the thought of exposing one’s true self. Often occurs when one’s early caregivers withheld their approval (see also chronic lying)

Fear of the unknown (emotion) Without faith that we are children of God, our path can be filled with constant doubt, even distrust, sometimes panic, of anything we have not yet experienced. If we live with fear, we may be presented with many unpleasant experiences
Finally (attitude) This is a word of blame (condemnation), whether directed toward self, another human, events or God. e.g.: You're finally doing what I told you to do
Forbearance (attitude) The ability to remain true to one's commitments no matter what others are saying or doing
Forgiveness (thought, attitude) This is a gift we give ourselves so that we can leave the past in the past. Like resentment, forgiveness is a behavioural pattern. Forgiveness means not resenting those who have angered us or failed us in some way. We can do this by communicating (whether in person or even just on paper), our feelings of anger or disappointment to the concerned individual(s). This can validate our emotions, thereby enabling us to release the person and the experience. It is often easier to forgive when we understand fully why something has happened, or why someone has done something, but it is not necessarily required. Forgiving others does not mean allowing abusive or negative behaviour. It is not a bargaining chip. Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that we can trust that individual to change his or her behaviour. Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves to allow ourselves to grow spiritually and emotionally and to allow our wounds to heal - spiritually, emotionally and physically. Just as important as forgiving others is the need to forgive ourselves (see guilt). The Universal Intelligence forgives each and every one of us instantaneously, for since there is no such thing as sin, there can be nothing to forgive. The Universal Intelligence sees all human experience as "education". Do forgiveness exercise
Free Will Spiritual law that gives us the ability to choose, but that also ensures that we will experience the outcomes of our choices
We can choose our beliefs and we can choose our attitude toward life. Click
here for more information
Gossip (thought, attitude) Sharing your judgment, criticism and condemnation of someone who has offended you in order to negatively affect other people's opinions of that individual. This is a form of control because the intention is to make someone else think and feel the same as you. We participate in gossip when we watch, listen to or even read negative stories about others. See also judgment, criticism, condemnation, perfectionism, self-righteousness
Physical effects of the pattern:
Teeth and mouth problems, chronic upper-respiratory issues, lots of choking
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn the reasons for one's low self-esteem
Grace (attitude) Tendency to be generous, helpful and forgiving toward self and others (does not mean allowing abusive behaviour). The Universal Intelligence holds humanity in a state of grace, that is, unconditional love. Communication is never withheld as a punishment for wrongdoing
Gratitude (attitude) Accepting that each experience in life is given as a learning opportunity, and never as a reward or punishment from God. If too much emphasis is placed on always thanking God for every little thing, it begins to sound as if we're trying to prove to something. The Universal Intelligence knows how we feel before we even think it, so God doesn't mind if we miss an opportunity to say thank you. Saying grace before a meal is a fine practice, but if it's used as a protection against the wrath of God, then gratitude is not the real motive. Fear is the real motive and God knows it. See prayer
Greed (attitude) A need to have more than one can possibly use. Unwilling to share your belongings but expecting that others should share theirs. Greed prevents us from releasing a gift once it has been given. Have you ever received a gift, and then the giver of the gift tried to tell you how to use that gift? Have you ever received a gift along with a guilt trip? For example, "Here's your gift, and this is what I had to sacrifice in order to get it for you." A gift presented with greed is not a gift - it is an exchange with which the recipient of the "gift" has not knowingly agreed. Have you ever received a partial gift; for example, an incomplete set? Greed prevents the giver from releasing the whole set. Greed is also a need to have something in order to prevent someone else from having it: "I don't want it, but you can't have it." Greed is a need to selfishly protect one’s possessions, be they material items, relationships or even simply knowledge. The pattern of greed often creates in us a need for others to be generous with their possessions, and it is easy to judge, criticize and condemn them when they fail - it is easy to see their greed. It is somewhat more difficult to recognize it in self. Greed is also present when a person seemingly demands our approval of them, yet selfishly withholds their approval of us. Examples: I promised to give you (whatever), and I know you really want it, so I'm not going to give it to you until I feel like it (maybe I'll even just keep on "forgetting" my promise!). I'll just hang onto this in case I ever need it. I'll keep the best part of this set, but you can have the rest. I don't want it, but you can't have it. I need... With pet hoarding, the thought might be, "Nobody else will care for this poor homeless animal but me." In this case, it is as if the human is expressing an unresolved inner child issue - that of having received too little or too much attention from his/her caregiver(s), of having been abandoned by his/her caregiver(s), or of having been forced into accepting too much responsibility at an early age
Physical effects of the pattern:
Eating disorders, bulging eyes, a cluttered lifestyle (pack rat) and, in an extreme form, hoarding
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn the reasons for feeling ignored or neglected
Grief (emotion) Deep sadness over what one feels to be an undeserved loss. In the loss of a loved one, along with the sadness are often unrecognized thoughts and feelings of great fear and anger, which can come for many reasons. Sometimes we are angry over the loss of the dreams that we held for the individual, as with young children. Other times we are angry with God because it appears as though he has punished both the innocent child and us by taking him or her away from us. The loss of a life partner can create anger and resentment toward both God and the loved one, because change has been forced into our lives (feelings of fear and dread are often present when change is forced upon us). Unresolved inner child issues can still be released even if the offender has passed away, but extra work is required to ensure that full understanding is gained and that forgiveness takes place
Physical effects of the pattern:
Osteoporosis, diabetes
How to change the pattern: Do
forgiveness exercise
Guide/Angel/Teacher Divine representative who accompanies us throughout our life's voyages and is often referred to as our inner voice. The guides are subject to different spiritual laws than us, and do not come into human form. They are not dead spirits. Your guide is not your long-passed grandparent or parent or sibling or child or pet, although often when we sense our guide’s presence there is a feeling of unconditional love. The guides are entities who have been chosen by God to serve and to assist humanity. They are in constant, direct communion with God. Guides other than our personal companion guide do work with us, but only on a temporary assignment basis. For example, the Archangels will assist in extreme situations by offering their energy and their profound wisdom, but they do not stay with us for our entire lifetime.
Guilt (attitude, emotion) Feeling responsible for not meeting expectations, no matter whose they are - or - Excessive feelings of remorse for deeds either done or not done. Guilt is just as hurtful and damaging to us as any of the other negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. Guilt can cause us much pain, and can cause us to behave in ways that are potentially harmful to many. Guilt, condemnation and remorse are interwoven, and all keep us stuck in the past. It is important to remember always that we cannot change the past. We can only learn from it and use it to create change in the here and now. We can never be sure what the future holds. We only live now, and only now can be affected by our behaviour.

People often “lay
guilt trips” on others to manipulate and to get their own way, that is, to control others. (e.g.: It's all your fault. If you don't do what I ask, you're bad. Remember how you hurt me in the past?) Sometimes parents take on responsibility for their children's actions. This can help no one: the parent suffers multiple injuries and the child fails to learn responsibility. Since guilt requires punishment, those who feel guilt over some past experience often meet negative experiences in the present. This is not because God wants to punish us, but because we "expect" some form of punishment. And, since the Universal Intelligence is responsive, our expectation creates the negative experience
Physical effects of the pattern:
Eating disorders
How to change the pattern: Do
forgiveness exercise

Survivor's Guilt (attitude, emotion) This is a crippling condition that can create much pain, discomfort and negativity, and can become an addiction. Losing loved ones through death caused by accident, illness, childbirth, suicide or euthanasia, murder/acts of terrorism or genocide can create survivor's guilt. Remaining healthy when a loved one becomes unwell can also create it, as can growing up as the "normal" child in a family with a "special needs" child. (Also, some Christians believe that since Christ died on the cross for them, they must prove their appreciation by inflicting pain upon themselves.) Survivor's guilt says: "I cannot and will not ever succeed. Nothing of lasting benefit can or will come from me. There cannot/will not be any joy in my life. If something good does happen, I cannot/will not celebrate. I cannot/will not contribute to a society that allowed (whatever) to happen." Why? To find enjoyment in life could be seen as a betrayal of the loved one, or of the family. It could be seen as a failure to punish oneself sufficiently. It is important to remember that God does not ever judge, criticize or condemn us. It is also important to remember that the loved one's experiences were a part of their path. We cannot walk their path for them. We must allow them the dignity of ownership. We must not use their experiences as an excuse for failing to live well, or for holding onto resentment or for seeking vengeance, or for punishing ourselves
Physical effects of the pattern:
Heart/lung disorders, depression
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence is in charge of matters of life and death - not us. Then meditate to learn one's true life purpose
Honesty (attitude) Ability to confront Universal Truth - about self, about our experiences, about others. Without Universal Truth, we are left searching futilely for a way to explain why we have had certain experiences or why we have certain behaviours
Humility (attitude) Knowing that we are all children of God in human form, in differing stages of development. We are all capable of ANYTHING, given the proper circumstances. All are equal in the eyes of God. Humans are not in charge
Hypocrite (attitude) One who hates it when others behave as poorly as themselves. See also double standard
Ignorance (thought, attitude) Belief that one already knows and therefore requires no further understanding. Ignorance is a condition and a choice that can be spiritually crippling. If one believes that there is only one place to learn about God, one closes the door on one’s potential spiritual growth. If one believes that God no longer communicates with his human children, one is left relying on someone else’s version of Truth
Physical effects of the pattern: Prejudice, hatred, intolerance
How to change the pattern: Become open to the concept that the Universal Intelligence brought all life into existence - to condemn one is to condemn all
Insolence (thought, attitude) Belief that one knows what is best while one's authority figure(s) are fools who haven't a clue. Insolence can come from a multitude of beliefs, for example, "I'm smarter/better than everyone else", "Everyone is supposed to do whatever I want", "I can do whatever I want", I don't have to do what anyone else says." Can stem from too little or too much attention from one's caregivers when growing up, or from one's caregivers being unable or unwilling to say, "No" to the child. The insolent person often suffers from a lack of real self-worth, which contributes greatly to their need to be in control of everything at all times, and often using the threat of a temper tantrum to control others
Physical effects of the pattern: Lack of respect of self and others
How to change the pattern: Become open to the concept that the Universal Intelligence brought all life into existence - to condemn one is to condemn all
Jealousy (emotion) Deep fear of losing someone’s affection, approval or attention. Deep need to possess what someone else has. Jealousy can come from feelings of inadequacy, and from a fear of abandonment. Stems from too little (or too much!) attention in childhood from one's caregivers. e.g.: You're my friend/spouse and so you should never have any other interests in life
Physical effects of the pattern:
Liver diseases, pancreatic cancer, digestive disorders
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn how to love oneself unconditionally
Joy (emotion) Feelings of delight and great pleasure that arise from within us, often when we have given unselfish service to another. Joy can also come when we are doing something we care about deeply. It is often hoped that an act of revenge will bring joy, but any act that harms another cannot bring true joy
Judgment (thought, attitude) Forming a negative opinion, sometimes after consideration or deliberation, sometimes instantly. We need to make some judgments all the time, but the habit could be improved significantly were we to stop judging our fellow humans. It's judgment to decide that someone is too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too beautiful, too ugly - get the picture? - to deserve our respect. The point is that this is a negative behaviour that harms us all. Chronic judgment of others can lead to serious illnesses. Prejudice is accepting someone else’s judgment of something, without forming your own opinion based on your own experiences. See also gossip
Physical effects of the pattern:
All forms of
arthritis
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.
Manipulation (thought, attitude) Using negative behaviours to make someone do what we want instead of just asking (often because we're afraid that they might say no). There are many ways to do this: Using baby talk or whining, lying, asking in front of other people, procrastinating, threatening, withholding communication, etc. See also control
Physical effects of the pattern:
Bladder and urinary tract problems, kidney disease
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn the source of one's fear of expressing that which one desires
Martyrdom (attitude) Letting others know how much you have suffered and sacrificed in order to help them, with the intention of making them feel indebted to you. Martyrs often speak in an artificially happy tone of voice
Physical effects of the pattern:
Back or shoulder pain
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.
Meditation (thought) Meditation is communication - two-way communication - between us and the Universal Intelligence. It is the act of asking questions and paying attention to hear the answers. Learn how. See also prayer
Mercy (thought, attitude) Tendency to be kind, forgiving and sympathetic to those in difficult circumstances (including self). Being merciful does not necessarily mean rescuing someone by doing their work for them, because that can do more harm than good. It means being a non-judgmental shoulder to cry on. It means giving information when invited to do so
Misanthropic (attitude) Believing the very worst about humanity (or self) and doing nothing about it because it would be pointless anyway. See also distrust
Physical effects of the pattern:
Extremely unlikely to have close, satisfying relationships
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence exists and communicates with us
Obedience (attitude) Asking God for guidance, waiting around long enough to hear it and then following it. Obedience does not mean doing what another human tells you to do, or doing what they say God says you must do - it means following the instructions given to you by your own guide when you have asked for assistance from the Universal Intelligence
Obsessive/Compulsive Behaviours Inability to cope with life without doing certain routines when certain things have happened; the seemingly uncontrollable urge to repeat a behaviour, whether or not it is acted out. The behaviour is usually done in response to repression or suppression of strong emotions. It is a way to have some measure of control when one feels like a victim. This is one form of addiction that is every bit as difficult to treat as a chemical dependency. However, when one is dedicated to healing self, tremendous change is possible. Before repeating any behaviour, it is important to remember that we have the ability to choose. See perfectionism and OCD.
Physical effects of the pattern:
alcohol/drug use, checking, counting, dawdling/chronic lateness, chronic lying, eating disorders, exercise, gambling (usually triggered when one feels "bad" and needs assurance that "God still loves me") , hair removal, hair twirling, hand-washing, looking in the mirror, perfectionism, picking at skin flaws, repeating phrases or movements, self-mutilation, sexual encounters, shopping, whining and so on. All of the behaviours can be crippling. They can repel people (sometimes that's the whole idea!) and they can anger people (a side benefit). They often end up creating the exact situation that one is trying to avoid
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to identify and resolve the root cause(s)
Patience (attitude) Ability to wait without having any negative thoughts, attitudes or emotions. In these days of road rage, air rage and even rage rage, patience can seem like the holy grail. Nobody's perfect! We're all capable of lapses of judgment and lapses of wisdom. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to make a mistake with the comfort of knowing that we'd be treated with patience, tolerance and forgiveness? Wouldn't it be nice to be the one to set a good example?
Peace (emotion) State of calm, acceptance, forgiveness. Many believe that someone (a higher intelligence - either Jesus or extraterrestrials) will come to Planet Earth to save humanity from the brink of destruction. How exactly do they think this will come about? Unless that someone simply bestows Peace upon us, something will be required of us to bring it about. What if that higher intelligence said that in order to save ourselves, we would have to forgive all those who had ever harmed us in any way, intentionally or otherwise? How might we feel? What if that higher intelligence said that there can be no peace on the planet so long as even one of us holds onto hatred, intolerance, prejudice and resentment? See also war
Perfectionism (attitude) Inability or unwillingness to accept any person or thing that does not meet excessively rigid standards. When we place these standards upon another person, we are controlling them, and judging, criticizing and condemning them. It is control when we in effect say, “You must do this my way, the right way, the only way.” It is judgment and criticism when we decide that they are doing it wrong, and condemnation when we decide to punish them in some way for their inability or unwillingness to do what we want, the way we want it done. When we place these standards upon ourselves, we do it to gain either our own or someone else's approval (whether or not they are present). The pattern of perfectionism can begin early in childhood and is often learned from one's caregivers. It can develop when a child receives constant negative attention for doing anything that does not meet the standards held for that child by the caregivers, or when the child feels invisible in the family. Perfectionism can become an obsessive/compulsive behaviour. e.g.: If I don't do it, it won't get done right. It has to be done this way. Always looking to catch someone in an error
Physical effects of the pattern:
All forms of
arthritis, acne, liver diseases.
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.
Persecution Complex (attitude, emotion) Feeling that everyone is out to get you, or is judging you or is thinking about you (see narcissistic, self-importance, victim). This fear can stem either too little or too much favourable attention in early childhood. e.g.: Did you see the way they were looking at me?
Physical effects of the pattern:
Difficulty in maintaining close, satisfying relationships
How to change the pattern: Do
self-esteem exercise
Pessimism (attitude) Outlook on life that says, "What's the point - things will never work out the way I want anyway". This attitude is the result of having judged, criticized and condemned self, others, and/or the Universal Intelligence. Sometimes this attitude can begin as an act of spite or revenge. See also passive/aggressive. e.g.: Things will never turn out right. What else is new? I’ll never amount to anything
Physical effects of the pattern:
Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, chronic lower back pain and/or sciatica, eye problems, insomnia and other sleep disorders
How to change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result. Fear brings about that which is feared
Prayer (thought, attitude) - Act of talking to God (the Universal Intelligence). Many use prayer to ask God for favours (see control); for example, heal me...heal someone else...keep someone alive...let someone die...punish someone for me...let my team win the big game...let me win the lottery...). Saying the words, "Thy will be done, Father," can avoid much needless worry and distress. Many use prayer as a protection from "evil" or from the wrath of God. That is not prayer - it is ritual and superstition, which is nothing more than fear that has become habit. See also meditation and unconditional love
Procrastination (attitude) Putting off that which one has agreed to do. This is a passive/aggressive act of control. See avoidance, laziness. Those who fail to live up to their commitments often have a mate who nags, yet claim innocence in playing any part in the pattern. The procrastination/nagging game can go on for years, with one person blaming the other for their own failure to communicate
Physical effects of the pattern:
Hearing, seeing or memory problems, hypochondria
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn what we're trying to gain or create by avoiding doing that which needs to be done
Rejection (thought) Dismissing someone or something because of inferiority or imperfection. We can use rejection as a punishment when we have judged, criticized and condemned someone or something. Rejection of a person can be a form of abandonment. Rejection of an idea can be a form of denial. When someone has rejected us, we can feel ashamed of our words, our actions or ourselves
Physical effects of the pattern:
All forms of
arthritis
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.
Repression (thought) Inability or unwillingness to acknowledge that one has had a negative experience. This is a learned behaviour that can begin in very early childhood as a conscious choice, but develops into a seemingly unconscious behaviour. Repression of anger can lead to unexpected explosive rages. Repression can also contribute to the need for drugs, alcohol, tobacco, excessive food intake or exercise and other negative behaviours, all of which can be addiction forming. See also denial
Physical effects of the pattern:
Obsessive/compulsive behaviours
How to change the pattern: Do
grieving exercise
Resentment (thought, attitude, emotion) Holding onto a deep-seated grudge against someone who has hurt or offended us and can create the habitual need for revenge. Words like, “I hate you and I will never forgive you,” or, “You'll pay for that,” show that resentment is already forming. We can even get addicted to the high that comes from allowing our hurt to excuse us from behaving responsibly. Holding onto resentment can become a habitual response to people or circumstances that do not meet with our approval
Physical effects of the pattern:
All forms of
arthritis, digestive disorders, heart/lung problems, high cholesterol, bladder and urinary tract problems
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.
Respect (attitude) Willingness to treat one another (and ourselves) with patience and tolerance, mercy and forgiveness. It is disrespectful to use someone else's possessions and/or property without their permission. The words, "I didn't think you'd mind" are often used as an excuse for failing to ask permission. This failure to ask can stem from fear (that permission might not be granted) or the belief that self is "entitled" (see arrogance)
Revenge (thought, attitude, emotion) Deep need to retaliate against someone who has offended us by hurting someone/anyone as badly as we have been hurt (e.g., gossiping, hazing. Revenge can also be a desire to teach someone a lesson they won’t forget.  In its more subtle form, we might abandon the offender and/or withhold communication from her or him. Such behaviour can easily spiral downward into depression.It can become an obsessive compulsion. Words like, “I was hurt so it’s okay for me to hurt anyone who gets in my way,” “What goes around comes around,” “Serves you right,” or “God will get you for this" or "God will hurt you for me,” are all expressions of the desire for revenge. Let’s look at this illogical hope that God will hurt someone for us: Since we are all children of God, why would the Universal Intelligence, the Creator of everything and everyone, want to hurt any of us? God loves each of us unconditionally so He cannot possibly judge, criticize or condemn anyone. Ever.

We can feel that hurting others is the only way to deal with our pain, but there is another way…forgiveness! However, before we can forgive it is necessary to stop allowing ourselves to react to negative situations with resentment. Sharing our feelings is a great start because very often, the offender hasn’t even a clue that their words/actions were hurtful. At the very least, communication can validate our experience, and it might even open the door to new understanding.

World peace will be impossible until we as individuals stop resenting others and wanting revenge. So let’s not leave it up to the other guy, or the government, or other countries. Let us be the one to flex our
forgiveness muscle
Physical effects of the pattern:
Heart/lung problems, high cholesterol, digestive problems
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn that hatred leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.
Sacrifice (attitude) Being willing to set aside our needs in order to be of service. Sacrifice is often used as an excuse for our inability to say "no" to someone. This is not true sacrifice. True sacrifice occurs when there is no thought for self. True sacrifice occurs when there is thought only for the one(s) in need. Sacrifice can also be giving up what one wants to do in favour of what God (through our guide) has asked, or not doing something one wants to do because God (through our guide) has asked that it not be done
Sarcasm (attitude) Words (whether spoken aloud or not) that are intended to ridicule or harm self or another under the guise of humour
Physical effects of the pattern:
Upper respiratory issues
How to change the pattern: Do
self-esteem exercise
Scorn (attitude) Treating someone as though they are less than human and unworthy of our respect. This attitude is the result of having judged, criticized and condemned someone, and scorn is the punishment. Giving someone a dirty look is an act of scorn and can be an act of manipulation. See self-righteousness
Physical effects of the pattern:
A chronic scornful attitude can help to create
arthritis, heart disease, eye diseases and nose problems
How to change the pattern: Do
tolerance exercise
Seeking of Truth and Understanding (thought, attitude) Being willing to confront the Universal Truth about ourselves, about our experiences and about our belief systems can lead us to full understanding, which enables us to release the past fully and with love. When we resent someone, we often feel fully justified in not seeking any understanding at all about the offending person's possible motives or intentions for their words or actions. All too often though, offenders are not even aware that they have caused injury. That's one of the reasons why forgiveness is so important: Couldn't our time be better spent than holding a grudge against someone whose behaviour may not even have been intended to harm us?
Self-aggrandizement (thought, attitude) Using others to further oneself and one's own interests, under the guise of it being for the other guy's benefit. e.g.: Making someone think that what you tell them to do is to help them, and not to help you in any way. Selling a product under the false pretense that the buyer will benefit because of it, or will come to harm without it, when the only true reason for selling it is to make a profit for self
Physical effects of the pattern:
Heart problems, digestive issues, foot problems
How to change the pattern: Do
self-esteem exercise
Self-importance (attitude) Belief that oneself is more deserving of attention than everybody else, and that everything that happens to self should be of the utmost importance to everybody else Can be the belief that one's belief systems are flawless. Can be the belief that everything that happens, be it an experience or even a conversation, is "about me". Holding oneself in very high regard. Pride and conceit are offshoots of ego and self-importance. Self-importance and self-condemnation often go hand-in-hand, because even though we might feel very proud of some of our accomplishments, there can be a feeling of shame in other areas, or at least the recognition that certain areas of our lives could stand some change. e.g.: What about me? Me, me, me. Let's talk about me and my family, or friends, or pets, or job, or hobbies, or experiences; anything, so long as I don't have to listen to anything about you (see babble). See also narcissistic
Physical effects of the pattern:
Flatulence, vertigo
How to change the pattern: Do
self-esteem exercise
Self-interest (attitude) Using others to one's benefit, with regard only for self
Physical effects of the pattern:
Digestion disorders
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn the reasons for feeling ignored or neglected
Self-righteousness (thought, attitude) Belief that self is morally pure and beyond reproach, usually used in comparison against someone who has been judged as being less than perfect. e.g.: I would never hurt anyone the way you've hurt me. At least I'm not like him or her. God will punish you, but he'll forgive me
Physical effects of the pattern:
High cholesterol, eye problems, sepsis
How to change the pattern: Do
self-esteem and tolerance exercises
Shame (emotion) Feelings of embarrassment, guilt and remorse that come upon seeing (or being told by someone) that self is not perfect. Shame can lead to feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt and low self-esteem. It often creates the need to live in a state of secrecy about oneself and one’s experiences. Deep shame is often associated with a constant state of fear, even panic, that one will be “found out”. It can also create the need for addictive behaviours and substances. Abused children often have a deep sense of shame, for they can believe that they were responsible for their negative experiences. e.g.: It's all my fault and I should be punished. I'm bad and everyone can see it
Physical effects of the pattern:
Skin problems like acne, rosacea, rash
How to change the pattern: Do
self-esteem, grieving and forgiveness exercises
Should (thought, attitude) This is a word of control that is used when telling someone what you think they need to do. We often think we know what's best for others but maybe, just maybe, we don't. Before telling someone else what they should do, consider how it feels when someone else tells us what to do!
Physical effects of the pattern:
Nerve damage,
high cholesterol
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn the source of one's desire/need to be in charge
Soul mate The belief that says that we are incomplete without another specific person whom God created only for us.  See also Will I ever find my soul mate?
Physical effects of the pattern:
Co-dependent relationships, victim mentality
How to change the pattern: Do
self-esteem exercise
Spite (attitude) Attitude that says, "Your treatment of me will prevent me from ever enjoying life". Choosing to live one's life in deprivation is an act of revenge that hurts no one but self. Returning a cherished gift to its original owner can be an act of spite; likewise suicide and/or abandonment
Physical effects of the pattern:
Heart/lung problems, high cholesterol, digestive problems
How to change the pattern:
Meditate to learn that hatred leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.
Stress (attitude) Self-imposed punishment (implies that judgment, criticism and condemnation have already taken place). We place stress on ourselves when we:
  • try to live up to impossible standards; so-called, "keeping up with the Jones's. Nobody's perfect - not even the Jones's. If we try to keep up with (or get ahead of) the Jones's, that is the behaviour our children may copy
  • try to meet others' supposed expectations of us. Whose approval are we really trying to win?
  • try to make important decisions on our own, without input from the Universal Intelligence
  • believe that we are responsible for just about anything or everything

Physical effects of the pattern: Post-traumatic stress disorder can arise after observing or experiencing terrifying events over which one has no control. Somehow we feel that we should have been able to prevent them, or at least been able to fix them or prevent them from ever happening again. The events need not have been life-threatening - they need only have been frightening. If we feel we are responsible, we can take on guilt. If we feel others are responsible, we can take on a victim mentality and become either extremely passive or extremely aggressive
How to change the pattern: Do
how to stop worrying and grieving exercises

Suppression Conscious choice to keep one’s negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions to oneself, thus preventing expression of them. This can also begin as an act of spite. As with repression, keeping everything bottled up inside can create the need for mood-altering substances or habits. It can also prevent the forming of deep, emotional bonds with others
Physical effects of the pattern:
Obsessive/compulsive behaviours
How to change the pattern: Do
grieving exercise, meditate to find the root cause
Tolerance (attitude) Ability to observe people or to have certain experiences without their creating negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions within us. Intolerance creates much of the turmoil on this planet.
How to change intolerance: Do
tolerance exercise
Trust (in God) (thought, attitude) Knowing that we are loved, unconditionally, in every moment of our existence, and that all is well. Knowing that all that is required for our learning will be provided. Knowing that each and every experience is given by the Universal Intelligence to help us learn how to love unconditionally - both others and ourselves. For example, an abused child can often wonder why or how his/her caregivers could be verbally, emotionally or physically abusive. When the child becomes a parent and treats his or her own children the same way, it is hoped that the adult child will gain the understanding that he or she was looking for by experiencing, first-hand, the conditions that create abuse; thereby learning unconditional love for self and for his/her caregivers. Of course, not all abused children become abusive caregivers. Some manage to set aside their own "stuff" and use their negative experiences to improve themselves, rather than using their pain as an excuse to treat others as they were treated
Unconditional Love Acceptance without conditions (a lack of negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions). The Universal Intelligence loves us unconditionally. There is nothing we have to do, nothing we have to change, in order to be loved by God. When we feel Universal energy, we are feeling the unconditional love that exists for each and every one of us. Believing that God judges us is to believe that God's love is conditional, and that is an untruth and an impossibility, because judgment, criticism and condemnation are conditional. Unconditional love can be seen as "tough love", because it allows us to experience all things - both positive and negative. It allows there to be physical consequences for our spiritual choices. It allows us to feel pain; it allows us to cause pain. See free will
Victim (attitude) Belief that that there is no protection from what's "out there". Belief that everything negative in one's life has been caused by anyone or anything but self. This can be a crippling handicap. The pattern can usually be traced to a traumatic childhood experience that was never resolved. Can come from the repeated failure of one's caregivers to protect the child from coming to harm. Can also come from over-protective parenting. See also blame. People stuck in victim mode often have "pity parties"; that is, they go on and on about how everyone has hurt them, everyone is better off than them, nothing ever works out for them, nobody likes them, etc. We become a victim as soon as we believe that there is nothing we can do to change our life experience, or to protect ourselves from others' negative actions, thoughts, attitudes and emotions. See also passive/aggressive; narcissism
Physical effects of the pattern:
HIV/AIDS, anemia, knee problems, rheumatoid arthritis, some forms of cancer, Crohn's Disease, athlete's foot, etc.
How to change the pattern: Do all the
spiritual exercises
War In order to fully understand why war exists, we must first be willing to acknowledge our own negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. Self-awareness brings the realization that we're all alike, we're all equal, we're all capable of anything, given the proper circumstances. To hold a grudge against someone for failing to live up to our standards is one of the first steps toward war. We often justify our failure to live up to our own standards by saying that the person or people we harmed deserved it because somehow they're less than human; for example, stealing from a corporation, making false insurance claims, using someone's property without their permission, etc.
Worry (attitude) Busy thoughts; trying to figure out: how everything is going to turn out; how to plan everything; what others are thinking; wondering how others will react to your action(s). Excessive worrying can create anxiety and even panic attacks. Worry is often used as a means of control over our loved ones, and indicates that judgment, criticism and condemnation have already taken place. For example, when we say we are worried about someone, it is in effect saying that we think they are incapable of doing the "right" thing. We are saying that we think they will come to some harm if they continue doing whatever it is they are doing. People in co-dependent relationships often "worry" about their partner. They say that they are concerned that their loved one will come to some harm, but the real worry is about themselves. This is not unconditional love. This is a negative attitude. This is control. Worry can manifest in physical as hair loss, insomnia, nail biting or chronic pain. e.g.: What if... If I do this, then he/she will do... If I do this, then he/she will think...
Physical effects of the pattern:
Chronic
bleeding nose, tinnitus and other ear problems, digestive problems
How to change the pattern: Do
how to stop worrying exercise
 
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  Last updated 20140309
"helping people identify and change the thoughts, attitudes and emotions that create negative life patterns"