Abandonment
(thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour)
Overwhelming desire to run away
from a difficult situation, and can
become a habitual response to issues that
trigger us (also called "running
away"). Abandonment can take many
forms:
- Withholding
communication to punish others
("You don't deserve
me")
- Escaping a
situation via the use of a
chemical substance (food, drugs
or alcohol)
- Doing things that
exclude others (listening to loud
music, playing/working on
computer, watching television or
movies)
- Abruptly hanging
up the telephone on someone with
whom we have just had a
disagreement or abruptly turning
one’s back or leaving the
room during a conversation
- Wishing that a
disagreeable neighbour would just
move away
- Refusing to have
further dealings of any sort with
someone after they have done
something that meets with our
displeasure (can come from
resentment or from a need for
revenge)
- Having a death
wish for anyone with whom
emotional difficulties are
encountered on a somewhat regular
basis (spouse, child, employer,
teacher, colleague, etc.)
- Threatening (or
committing) suicide. In the case
of suicide (or any other negative
behaviour), it is important to
remember that only we are
responsible for our behaviours,
and we always have the ability to
choose. Suicide threats can be
the ultimate temper tantrum
Physical effects
of the pattern: Addictions,
obsessive/compulsive disorder, heel
spurs, hip and knee problems, heart
disease
How to change the pattern:
Instead of running away, speak. Say
what's on your mind. Even if you think
the other person doesn't want to hear it
or doesn't care what you think, say it!
Reverse
abandonment People with a fear
of abandonment often tend to treat others
poorly to remain in control of a
relationship ("I'll make you leave
me so that I'm not surprised when you
leave me"), or by seeming to have a
nasty disposition ("If I'm mean
enough, nobody will want to have anything
to do with me. Then there'll be no danger
of anyone leaving me").
How to change the pattern:
Know that we create our own reality.
Expectation equals result. Fear brings
about that which is feared.
|
Anger
(emotion) Strong feeling of
displeasure or hostility. Anger cannot be
dealt with and released if it is repressed
or suppressed,
and it can then become resentment.
People can use the threat of an angry
outburst to control
and manipulate others. If we allow our fear
of someone's angry outburst to prevent us
from speaking Truth, we might be blaming
him or her for our own behaviour. e.g.:
Why can't you ever...? Why do you
always...? When is it going to be my
turn? How could you do this to me? Of
course, anger can also be used to bring
about positive changes. This website
exists because of my own frustration at
having no practical spiritual resources
available (sorry, but religion didn't
help me AT ALL)
Physical effects of the pattern:
Habitually carrying anger can create heartburn/indigestion,
liver
problems, depression,
migraine headaches,
skin
disorders, heart
disease and stroke to, ultimately, a
general systems failure. The physical
results do not manifest in the one
we’re angry with; rather, they
appear in one’s own body
How to change the pattern:
Ask questions instead of assuming that
you already know. |
Anxiety
(emotion) Intense feelings of dread,
uneasiness or apprehension that arise for
no apparent reason. The feelings can
become so overwhelming that panic sets
in. These feelings are a reflection of
unrecognized fears
within that have been allowed to run
amok.) Like addictions,
anxiety can be a learned behaviour.
Finding the spiritual root cause can
bring true inner peace. e.g.: Gasp! What
if...?
Physical effects of the pattern:
The physical results of long-term anxiety
can be heart/lung
and skin
disorders, as well as the
appearance of being nervous - shaky
hands, repetitive scratching, inability
to concentrate or focus on the matter at
hand, sudden, jerky movements
How to change the pattern:
Know that we create our own reality.
Expectation equals result. Fear brings
about that which is feared. Focus on the
open road instead of the fence running
beside it. |
Arrogance
(attitude) An attitude that places
oneself above (or below) all others, and
a tendency to announce this superiority
(or inferiority!) to others. Arrogant
people tend to believe that rules and
laws apply to everyone else but them.
Arrogance is a lack of respect
for other people, their possessions and
their boundaries, and a lack of
consideration for their needs and
feelings. Arrogance can be seen in
bullies, who tend to be loud, aggressive
and/or controlling. Arrogant people seem
to feel justified in whatever they are
doing, yet make no attempt to understand
or excuse anyone else's behaviour. They
seem to think the world owes them a debt,
and/or that meeting their needs (or those
of their children/pets) should be
everybody's top priority. Arrogance can
come from low self-esteem or from over
self-confidence (see bi-polar
disorder). Arrogant
people tend to disobey traffic laws by
habitually speeding (or refusing to keep
up with the speed limit), parking
illegally or even driving drunk. They are
very often late for appointments and
scheduled events such as flight
departures or movies. They often claim forgetfulness
when failing to honour commitments.
See also passive/aggressive.
e.g.: It's ok if I break the
law. It's ok if I cheat. It's ok
if I hold onto anger
and resentment
and seek revenge
Physical effects of the pattern:
Arrogance can manifest in physical in the
heart,
the digestive
system, the face
and nose
and even the feet
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn who we're really trying
to hurt |
| At
least (thought, attitude) When
these words are used to compare self to
another, shows that judgment,
criticism
and condemnation
have taken place. See self-righteousness |
Avoidance
The pattern of wanting to postpone,
indefinitely, that which needs to be
done. Avoidance of the responsibilities
of daily life is only one part of this
pattern. When working with the Universal
Intelligence to resolve inner conflicts,
the desire to not look will be honoured
unless we state to our guide that even
though there may be fear,
our true desire is to deal with the past
and look for full understanding
and Universal Truth. We can want to avoid
forgiving
those who have harmed us. We often avoid
answering difficult questions. Wanting to
avoid feeling discomfort of any sort can
result in an extreme fear of anything
beyond our realm of control. Avoidance of
making decisions can result in clutter
and "pack-rat-ism". Avoidance
and denial
work together. The term, "productive
procrastination" has been coined to
show that we can fool ourselves into
thinking that we are so busy being
productive that we cannot possibly find
the time to do the thing that we know
needs to be done, or the thing that we
have promised we will do. e.g.: I can't
meet my commitment because my spouse,
children, pet, boss... I'll just do this
one thing and then I'll... See
also procrastination
Physical effects of the pattern:
Long-term avoidance can result in sensory
problems or failure (hearing,
seeing,
memory, etc.).
Sometimes we can want so badly to avoid
doing something that we can wish we were
sick so that we can escape our duties
without blame. The long-term result of
such a wish can be chronic ailments, or
even hypochondria.
Can also create co-dependency between the
one avoiding and the one nagging
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn what we're trying to create by
avoiding doing something |
Blame
(attitude, emotion) Placing
responsibility for our misfortune or for
our own negative behaviours on someone or
something else, be it another human, God,
"Satan", negative energies,
genetics, the environment, anything or
anyone but self. The blame pattern
prevents us from looking for the Truth
about our part in our own
misfortune. Blame is often an ingredient
in denial.
See also victim.
e.g.: You made me fail. You made me hurt
you. It's all your fault. It's all their
fault
Physical effects of the pattern:
Habitual blame can create anemia,
arthritis,
eye
problems, heartburn
and/or indigestion, high
blood pressure,
kidney
disorders, post-nasal
drip, poor posture, thyroid
problems, tooth
decay
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn whose approval we're trying to
gain by not taking responsibility for our
words/actions |
Child
Abuse Depriving a child of any
of the basic necessities of life or
withholding them as a punishment: love,
approval, attention, affection, emotional
support, physical food, privacy, sleep.
Inflicting physical or emotional pain on
a child, whether as punishment for a
“wrong-doing” or as a means of
teaching discipline, is seen as child
abuse. The abuse can be obvious, as when
a child is physically beaten, but it can
also be subtle, leaving no visible scars,
as with verbal or emotional abuse. It is
the caregiver's responsibility to find
ways to teach the child without being
abusive. Child abuse and neglect are seen
as a failure of the caregivers to provide
both physical nurturing and emotional
support for those who have been placed in
their care. Child abuse can occur when
the caregiver treats a child in a
negative way in order to win the approval
of an authority figure (whether it is a
person or a thing). Some victims
of child abuse never recover and develop addictions
or turn to crime, never finding peace
Physical effects of the pattern:
If you were the victim of child abuse,
effects can range from chronic pain
(spiritual and/or physical) that requires
constant "medication" to all
sorts of physical illnesses
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn that the statement "Once a
victim, always a victim" is no
longer true. If we can confront the truth
that we are not responsible for how our
caregivers raised us, we can begin to see
ourselves as children of God instead of
our caregivers' children |
Co-dependent
relationship There is a fine
line between being supportive of someone
and being in a co-dependent relationship
with him or her. Almost any human
relationship can become co-dependent
(spouses, parents, siblings, children,
friends, co-workers, etc.). It stops
being supportive when it starts
preventing independent thought and
action. Shows a lack of trust either for
self or the other person
Physical effects of the pattern:
Co-dependent relationships can create an
inability to be out of communication with
the other party; inability to make
independent decisions; inability to make
appointments independently; inability to
fend for oneself; compulsive
need to share everything (information,
clothing, food, experiences...); extreme distress
at the thought of ever losing the other
person (fear
of abandonment)
; belief that this person is one's soul
mate
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn that we were created as a
complete soul |
| Compassion
(attitude, emotion) Feeling deep concern;
caring for another in their time of need,
without any desire to control
them or to change their circumstances in
any way. Compassion allows others the
dignity to work through difficult
experiences in their own way, in their
own time, offering assistance only when
invited. Uninvited assistance can be a
form of control |
Condemnation
(thought) Declaring a punishment for
someone who has been found guilty
of something. Condemnation indicates that
judgment
and criticism
have already taken place. See also revenge.
Some condemnation phrases: You're not as
good as me, so you deserve to suffer. You
made a mistake, so you can never again be
trusted. What a stupid idiot! Rolling
one's eyes can indicate that condemnation
has just taken place
Physical effects of the pattern:
Long-term condemnation can result in any
form of arthritis, multiple sclerosis and
other neuro-musculo-skeletal disorders
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn where the belief in one's
superiority began and see that the belief
is inaccurate and incorrect |
Contempt
(attitude) Tendency to consider everyone
(sometimes including self) unworthy of respect,
patience,
tolerance
or compassion.
This attitude can prevent us from ever
finding peace or contentment in our
lives. Shows that judgment
and criticism
have taken place
Physical effects of the pattern:
Often occurs along with arrogance
and condemnation,
so can have similar physical effects
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn where the belief in one's
superiority began and see that the belief
is inaccurate and incorrect |
Control
(thought, attitude) Exercising one’s
will over another, no matter how pure or
impure the intention or the motivation.
Forcing our help upon another when it has
not been invited is control. It is
control to insinuate that someone needs
to do something we want them to do
without asking them outright. Asking God
for favours for someone else is control -
after all – they might not want or
need what we think they want or need,
even including healing (some people want
to be sick - for them, their illness
meets some need). In a disagreement with
a loved one, bringing up the past can be
a means of gaining control of the
situation (see memory).
Adoptive parents can, perhaps
unintentionally, use guilt
trips as a means of gaining or
maintaining control over their charges
(no matter their age). For example,
"If it weren't for us, you'd be an
orphan." It is control to assume
that we know what another person is
thinking. It is also control to pretend
that we know everything. Practical jokes
are a form of control. (It's just not
funny to ridicule someone for not knowing
what we know.) It's control to try to
steal someone's attention, no matter the
motive. (Obsessive/compulsive behaviours
are often done to get control of
someone's attention.) Before telling
someone else what to do, think of how it
feels when someone tells you
what to do. Control phrases: Let me do
it. You should... Call me when you get
home so I don't have to worry.
We are allowing ourselves to be
controlled when we do what another person
has told us to do (see blame
and victim)
Physical effects of the pattern:
Nerve damage, high
cholesterol
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn the source of one's desire/need
to be in charge |
Criticism
(thought, attitude) Giving an unkind
comment, whether spoken aloud or not,
whether invited or not. The Universal
Intelligence hears our every thought!
Criticism can be an offshoot of low
self-esteem and/or the pattern of perfectionism.
Typical critical behaviours: always
looking to catch someone in an error,
always trying to change what someone else
has done rather than creating something
new, always wanting others to do things
the same way as we might
Physical effects of the pattern:
Skin
disorders, joint problems and immune
system deterioration
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn the source of one's need to make
others feel inferior |
Dawdling
(behaviour) Form of passive/aggressive
manipulation You ask someone to do
something and then wait as they find a
multitude of other things that
‘have’ to be done first. You
know they don’t really need to be
done and you know that the person is
trying to anger you. Or they pretend not
to have understood your request and ask
all sorts of questions designed to delay
doing what you've asked. And then, the
instant your patience dissolves, there
they are ready to do what you've asked
and looking all innocent! Of course the
pattern can be changed, but both parties
will need to communicate honestly. See
also avoidance,
victim
Physical effects of the pattern:
Low blood pressure, hormone imbalances
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn the source of one's need to make
others angry |
Denial
(thought) Being unable or unwilling to
face the Truth about oneself, one's prior
actions or one’s painful
experiences, thoughts, attitudes or
emotions. Denial and avoidance
go hand-in-hand, for they both create an
inability to search for full understanding
and Universal Truth. Denial
can prevent acceptance of responsibility
for oneself, thereby creating the need to
blame
misfortune on someone or something else.
See also victim.
e.g.: You're wrong. No. I would never do
such a thing
Physical effects of the pattern:
Addictions,
back
problems, confusion
and memory
lapses (ultimately dementia or even Alzheimer's),
vision and/or hearing problems, chronic
constipation
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn the source of one's need to make
others feel that our motives are beyond
reproach |
Distress
(emotion) Severe discomfort, be it
physical, emotional or spiritual, coupled
with a feeling that something needs to be
done, but not knowing what it is or how
to do it. This can be a constant feeling
that something awful is going to happen.
Long-term distress can become anxiety.
e.g.: I just know something dreadful is
going to happen
Physical effects of the pattern:
Can manifest as digestive,
skin
or sleep
disorders, nervous behaviour and
inability to concentrate
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn the source of one's fears |
Distrust
(attitude, emotion) Lack of faith or
confidence, in self, in others, in God.
There is a fine balance to be struck
between trust and distrust of other
people. Too much trust in the goodwill of
others can lead to disappointment and
disillusionment. Sometimes we can even
place ourselves in potentially harmful
situations when we rely on the goodness
of others. Chronic distrust can isolate
us and prevent us from learning to work
together toward a common goal and can
lead to feelings of persecution. Distrust
can come from a blanket condemnation
of humanity. e.g.: "I just know I'll
be the one to get hurt,"
"Everyone is out for number
one," or, as with paranoia,
"Everyone is out to get me."
See also trust,
victim
Physical effects of the pattern:
Can result in unsatisfying relationships,
severe allergies, prejudice and/or hatred
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn the source of one's need to live
in fear
and isolation |
Double
standard (attitude) Those in
authority (parents, teachers, religious
leaders, government officials) very often
expect everyone else to abide by a strict
moral code (that they claim to follow),
but fail miserably to meet it themselves.
How can others learn how to meet it, and
why would they even bother to try, if
those in authority don't bother? Often
the reverse is true - people expect those
in authority to set an example but fail
to do so themselves. See also self-righteousness
Physical effects of the pattern:
Can result in unsatisfying relationships,
severe allergies, prejudice and/or hatred
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn that we are each responsible
only for ourselves |
Dread
(thought, emotion) Fear or
belief that life experiences will be
negative
Physical effects of the pattern:
Can result in agoraphobia, chronic lateness,
dizziness,
knee
or leg problems, nausea,
post-nasal
drip or chronic procrastination
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn that each of life's experiences
is a learning opportunity rather than
something to be feared |
Ego
(thought, attitude) Feeling that it's
"always about me". Feeling
that, “If I don’t do it, it
won’t get done, or it won’t get
done correctly”. Can be excessive
thoughts of pride or self-congratulation.
Can become self-importance
or even perfectionism.
Can be excessive statement making coupled
with a shortage of question asking. e.g.:
I'm so good. Everybody needs me - I'm
indispensable. I know what's best. Or:
I'm so bad. Nobody wants me or cares
about me. I'm useless and I'll never
amount to anything
Physical effects of the pattern:
Lack of meaningful relationships, bi-polar
disorder,
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn balance |
Embarrassment
(emotion) Uncomfortable feeling that
someone has caught you doing something
wrong. e.g.: I hurt someone and they'll
never forgive me, so I can never forgive
myself. I made a mistake and you caught
me. See also shame
Physical effects of the pattern:
Skin
problems like acne,
rosacia, rash
How to change the pattern:
Do forgiveness
exercise |
Envy
(emotion) Feeling of unhappiness or
discontent that comes because of
something someone else has that you have
not, and that you think you would like to
have, be it friends, material possessions
or personal attributes. Can easily become
resentment.
Envy can be felt when someone
"steals the limelight", and
envy can make us want to steal the
limelight from others. e.g.: I wish I had
your...
Physical effects of the pattern:
Liver
diseases, pancreatic
cancer, digestive
disorders
How to change the pattern: Meditate
to learn how to love
oneself unconditionally |
| Faith
(attitude) A deep sense of knowing that
we are, each of us, loved and accompanied
by God through life. A lack of faith can
create feelings of fear
and dread |
Fear
(emotion) Intense feeling that
something bad is going to happen. Can
become anxiety
or dread.
If we allow our fears to immobilize us,
we will not be able to walk our life's
path with faith,
trust
and joy.
Fear is often used as an excuse for not
looking at our inner conflicts, for
example, "I'm afraid that if I start
crying, I'll never stop." Fear of
God's wrath is pervasive in society and
we often go to extremes to avoid it by
constantly performing rituals or avoiding
doing certain things. See also obsessive/compulsive
behaviours,
gratitude,
prayer.
e.g.: Gasp! I could never... Gasp! What
if God...
Physical effects of the pattern:
Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, chronic
lower back
pain and/or sciatica
How to change the pattern:
Know that we create our own reality.
Expectation equals result. Fear brings
about that which is feared
Fear
of abandonment (emotion) Feeling
that one will be, or has been, left alone
and unsupported as a punishment for
causing someone’s displeasure. This
fear can create a need to be dishonest
about what we think and feel, and can
make it very difficult to form lasting
relationships with others, ourselves or
God. Making ourselves indispensable to
someone can show a fear of abandonment:
You need me, so you can't leave me or
fire me. e.g.: If you leave me, I'll die.
Spiritual results can be always
threatening abandonment at the first sign
of trouble: I quit, I give up, Do it
yourself, etc.
Fear
of change (emotion) Feeling that
if everything doesn't stay just exactly
as is, one will be at risk. This fear can
create a need to avoid
working on self. The fear says, "If
I change my behaviour, everyone will stop
liking me" - or "I'll get
fired" - or "My spouse will
leave (abandon)
me" - or "My children will fail
to prosper" - "and it'll be my
own fault." It is important to
remember that we don't make anyone do
anything - they choose their actions,
just as we choose ours. We
are more likely to allow change if we
have chosen it for ourselves, because
then we remain in control.
Fear
of commitment (emotion) Feeling
that if I live up to a commitment, you'll
think I'm weak. This fear can cause one
to seem arrogant.
Very often, people with this fear will
agree to a commitment and then promptly
fail to show up, yet they can show up so
long as no one is expecting them or
relying on them. See distrust
and passive/aggressive
Fear
of confrontation (emotion) This
fear prevents us from speaking out when
we feel we have been treated unjustly. It
stems from a fear
of abandonment,
and also from a fear of losing someone's
approval. There is often a fear that the
other person will explode (or implode) in
anger
and the consequences will be unbearable.
The threat of an angry outburst is often
used as a form of control,
and the fear of an angry outburst is
often used as an excuse for not standing
up for ourselves or for those who are in
our care
Fear
of contamination and/or disease (thought,
emotion) Terror at the thought of coming
into contact with things that might
create some disease; for example, germs,
insects, animals, other people, sunshine,
microwave ovens, cell phones - the list
is seemingly endless. Belief that we are victims
of the environment. Belief that self is
"bad" and will be punished with
disease. Disease is not a punishment - it
is a natural consequence of negative
thoughts, attitudes and emotions. Living
with this fear can create obsessive worrying
and anxiety
that prevent one from finding joy
in life. It can even become a disease, as
with allergies. Albeit unwittingly, young
children can develop allergies to mimic a
caregiver’s fear(s), or to reflect
spiritual imbalances within the family.
See also blame
Fear
of death and dying (emotion)
Without faith that we will return to God
when we die, we can live with suppressed
dread. A belief in "Hell" can
create a deep terror of the afterlife.
Coupled with our fear of the pain and
discomfort that can often be present when
one is very ill or close to death, we can
live in a state of avoidance of life,
rather than acceptance of all that life
has to offer. Believing that someone who
harmed you will be sent to Hell is a form
of control
(see also revenge),
because in effect, it requires God to condemn
someone
Fear
of failure or of success
(emotion) Can create immobility and keep
us stuck. When one lives with such a
fear, it is often judged by humans as
being laziness or a lack of ambition.
However, your guide knows the Universal
Truth and can show you where this pattern
originated, and how to change it. The
fear of failure can create workaholic -
ism. The fear of success can create an
inability to see any project through to
completion. Do you believe that if you
fulfill your life's purpose, God will
remove you from Planet Earth? Such a
belief could prevent you from
accomplishing anything much in this
lifetime
Fear
of intimacy (emotion) This can
be a fear of having a sexual relationship
with another, but it can also be a fear
of verbally expressing oneself fully. Can
come from feelings of shame
or embarrassment
over one's physical appearance or one's
innermost thoughts, which can stem from a
fear
of abandonment.
Can manifest in physical as mouth, teeth
and gum problems
Fear
of invasion (emotion) Extreme
concern about someone with harmful
motives entering one's space without
permission. In its extreme, can be the
belief that everyone has the intention to
find you, find out everything about you
and then use the information to harm you.
Can be the belief that everyone is greedy
and malicious. Can also be the fear that
one's body will be invaded by injury,
illness and disease. Can also be the fear
that UFO's are real and are malicious.
See also self-importance.
Can manifest in physical as back
and/or knee
problems
Fear
of negative energies (thought,
attitude, emotion) Extreme concern that
if one fails to live up to religious
expectations, one risks being harmed by
energies over which one has no control,
for example, the devil
or his minions. Can
manifest in physical as severe allergies,
accient
proneness, constant
negative life experiences that make one
feel like a victim
Fear
of retribution (thought,
emotion) Chronic concern that one's
thoughts or actions will bring harm to
one and all. Can begin in childhood when
one feels invisible and sees a consistent
lack of fair and equitable treatment,
e.g., one parent (or sibling) unfairly
receives more perks and benefits or
attention than another. Can be the belief
that God punishes or rewards us in the
here and now. Can be the belief that self
is not worthy of "the good things in
life". Can become a chronic concern
that if one doesn't do everything just
right (see perfectionism),
or if one has a moment of happiness,
something terrible will happen to self or
a loved one. See also obsessive/compulsive
behaviours
Fear
of telling the truth (thought)
Terror at the thought of exposing
one’s true self. Often occurs when
one’s early caregivers withheld
their approval (see also chronic
lying)
Fear
of the unknown (emotion) Without
faith that we are children of God, our
path can be filled with constant doubt,
even distrust,
sometimes panic, of anything we have not
yet experienced. If we live with fear, we
may be presented with many unpleasant
experiences |
| Finally
(attitude) This is a word of blame
(condemnation),
whether directed toward self, another
human, events or God. e.g.: You're
finally doing what I told you to do |
| Forbearance
(attitude) The ability to remain true to
one's commitments no matter what others
are saying or doing |
| Forgiveness
(thought, attitude) This is a gift we
give ourselves so that we can leave the
past in the past. Like resentment,
forgiveness is a behavioural
pattern. Forgiveness means not
resenting those who have angered
us or failed us in some way. We can
do this by communicating (whether in
person or even just on paper), our
feelings of anger or disappointment to
the concerned individual(s). This
can validate our emotions, thereby
enabling us to release the person and the
experience. It is often easier to
forgive when we understand fully why
something has happened, or why someone
has done something, but it is not
necessarily required. Forgiving others
does not mean allowing abusive or
negative behaviour. It is not a
bargaining chip. Forgiving someone does
not necessarily mean that we can trust
that individual to change his or her
behaviour. Forgiveness is a gift we give
to ourselves to allow ourselves to grow
spiritually and emotionally and to allow
our wounds to heal - spiritually,
emotionally and physically. Just as
important as forgiving others is the need
to forgive ourselves (see guilt).
The Universal Intelligence forgives each
and every one of us instantaneously, for
since there is no such thing as sin,
there can be nothing to forgive. The
Universal Intelligence sees all human
experience as "education". Do forgiveness
exercise |
Free
Will Spiritual law that gives us
the ability to choose, but that also
ensures that we will experience the
outcomes of our choices
We can choose our beliefs and we can
choose our attitude toward life. Click here
for more information |
Gossip
(thought, attitude) Sharing your
judgment, criticism and condemnation of
someone who has offended you in order to
negatively affect other people's opinions
of that individual. This is a form of control
because the intention is to make someone
else think and feel the same as you. We
participate in gossip when we watch,
listen to or even read negative stories
about others. See also judgment,
criticism,
condemnation,
perfectionism,
self-righteousness
Physical effects of the pattern:
Teeth
and mouth problems,
chronic upper-respiratory
issues, lots of choking
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn the reasons for one's low
self-esteem |
| Grace
(attitude) Tendency to be generous,
helpful and forgiving toward self and
others (does not mean allowing abusive
behaviour). The Universal Intelligence
holds humanity in a state of grace, that
is, unconditional
love. Communication
is never withheld as a punishment for
wrongdoing |
| Gratitude
(attitude) Accepting that each experience
in life is given as a learning
opportunity, and never as a reward or
punishment from God. If too much emphasis
is placed on always thanking God for
every little thing, it begins to sound as
if we're trying to prove to something.
The Universal Intelligence knows how we
feel before we even think it, so God
doesn't mind if we miss an opportunity to
say thank you. Saying grace before a meal
is a fine practice, but if it's used as a
protection against the wrath of God, then
gratitude is not the real motive. Fear
is the real motive and God knows it. See prayer |
Greed
(attitude) A need to have more than one
can possibly use. Unwilling to share your
belongings but expecting that others
should share theirs. Greed prevents us
from releasing a gift once it has been
given. Have you ever received a gift, and
then the giver of the gift tried to tell
you how to use that gift? Have you ever
received a gift along with a guilt trip?
For example, "Here's your gift, and
this is what I had to sacrifice in order
to get it for you." A gift presented
with greed is not a gift - it is an
exchange with which the recipient of the
"gift" has not knowingly
agreed. Have you ever received a partial
gift; for example, an incomplete set?
Greed prevents the giver from releasing
the whole set. Greed is also a need to
have something in order to prevent
someone else from having it: "I
don't want it, but you can't have
it." Greed is a need to selfishly
protect one’s possessions, be they
material items, relationships or even
simply knowledge. The pattern of greed
often creates in us a need for others to
be generous with their possessions, and
it is easy to judge,
criticize
and condemn
them when they fail - it is easy to see their
greed. It is somewhat more difficult to
recognize it in self. Greed is also
present when a person seemingly demands
our approval of them, yet selfishly
withholds their approval of us.
Examples.: I promised to give you
(whatever), and I know you really want
it, so I'm not going to give it to you
until I feel like it (maybe I'll even
just keep on "forgetting"
my promise!). I'll just hang onto this in
case I ever need it. I'll keep the best
part of this set, but you can have the
rest. I don't want it, but you can't have
it. I need... With pet
hoarding, the thought might be,
"Nobody else will care for this poor
homeless animal but me." In this
case, it is as if the human is expressing
an unresolved inner child issue - that of
having received too little or too much
attention from his/her caregiver(s), of
having been abandoned his/her
caregiver(s), or of having been forced
into accepting too much responsibility at
an early age
Physical effects of the pattern:
Eating
disorders, bulging
eyes, a cluttered
lifestyle (pack
rat) and, in an extreme form, hoarding
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn the reasons for feeling ignored
or neglected |
Grief
(emotion) Deep sadness over what one feels to be an underserved loss. In
the loss of a loved one, along with the
sadness are often unrecognized thoughts
and feelings of great fear
and anger,
which can come for many reasons.
Sometimes we are angry over the loss of
the dreams that we held for the
individual, as with young children. Other
times we are angry with God because it
appears as though he has punished both
the innocent child and us by taking him
or her away from us. The loss of a life
partner can create anger and resentment
toward both God and the loved one,
because change has been forced into our
lives (feelings of fear
and dread
are often present when change is forced
upon us). Unresolved inner child issues
can still be released even if the offender has passed away, but extra work
is required to ensure that full understanding is gained and that forgiveness takes place
Physical effects of the pattern:
Osteoporosis,
diabetes
How to change the pattern:
Do forgiveness
exercise |
| Guide/Angel/Teacher
Divine representative who accompanies us
throughout our life's voyages. Often
referred to as our inner voice. The
guides are subject to different spiritual
laws than us, and do not come into human
form. They are not dead spirits. Your
guide is not your long-passed grandparent
or parent or sibling or child or pet,
although often when we sense our
guide’s presence there is a feeling
of unconditional love. The guides
are entities who have been chosen by God
to serve and to assist
humanity. They are in constant,
direct communion with God |
Guilt
(attitude, emotion) Feeling responsible
for not meeting expectations, no matter
whose they are - or - Excessive feelings
of remorse for deeds either done or not
done. Guilt is just as hurtful and
damaging to us as any of the other
negative thoughts, attitudes and
emotions. Guilt can cause us much pain,
and can cause us to behave in ways that
are potentially harmful to many. Guilt, condemnation
and remorse are interwoven, and all keep
us stuck in the past. It is important to
remember always that we cannot change the
past. We can only learn from it and use
it to create change in the here and now.
We can never be sure what the future
holds. We only live now, and only now can
be affected by our behaviour.
People often “lay guilt
trips” on others to manipulate and
to get their own way, that is, to control
others. (e.g.: It's all your fault. If
you don't do what I ask, you're bad.
Remember how you hurt me in the past?)
Sometimes parents take on responsibility
for their children's actions. This can
help no one: the parent suffers multiple
injuries and the child fails to learn
responsibility. Since guilt requires
punishment, those who feel guilt over
some past experience often meet negative
experiences in the present. This is not
because God wants to punish us, but
because we "expect" some form
of punishment. And, since the Universal
Intelligence is responsive, our
expectation creates the negative
experience
Physical effects of the pattern:
Eating
disorders
How to change the pattern:
Do forgiveness
exercise
Survivor's
Guilt (attitude, emotion) This
is a crippling condition that can create
much pain, discomfort and negativity, and
can become an addiction.
Losing loved ones through death caused by
accident, illness, childbirth, suicide
or euthanasia, murder/acts of terrorism
or genocide can create survivor's guilt.
Remaining healthy when a loved one
becomes unwell can also create it, as can
growing up as the "normal"
child in a family with a "special
needs" child. (Also, some Christians
believe that since Christ died on the
cross for them, they must prove their
appreciation by inflicting pain upon
themselves.) Survivor's guilt says:
"I cannot and will not ever succeed.
Nothing of lasting benefit can or will
come from me. There cannot/will not be
any joy in my life. If something good
does happen, I cannot/will not celebrate.
I cannot/will not contribute to a society
that allowed (whatever) to happen."
Why? To find enjoyment in life could be
seen as a betrayal of the loved one, or
of the family. It could be seen as a
failure to punish oneself sufficiently.
It is important to remember that God does
not ever judge,
criticize
or condemn
us. It is also important to remember that
the loved one's experiences were a part
of their path. We cannot walk
their path for them. We must allow them
the dignity of ownership. We must not use
their experiences as an excuse for
failing to live well, or for holding onto
resentment
or for seeking vengeance,
or for punishing ourselves
Physical effects of the pattern:
Heart/lung
disorders, depression
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn that the Universal Intelligence
is in charge of matters of life and death
- not us. Then meditate to learn one's
true life purpose |
| Honesty
(attitude) Ability to confront Universal
Truth - about self, about our
experiences, about others. Without
Universal Truth, we are left searching
futilely for a way to explain why we have
had certain experiences or why we have
certain behaviours |
| Humility
(attitude) Knowing that we are all
children of God in human form, in
differing stages of development. We are
all capable of ANYTHING, given the proper
circumstances. All are equal in the eyes
of God. Humans are not in charge |
| Hypocrite
(attitude) One who hates it when others
behave as poorly as themselves. See also double
standard |
Ignorance
(thought, attitude) Belief that one
already knows and therefore requires no
further understanding. Ignorance is a
condition and a choice that can be
spiritually crippling. If one believes
that there is only one place to learn
about God, one closes the door on
one’s potential spiritual growth. If
one believes that God no longer
communicates with his human children, one
is left relying on someone else’s
version of Truth
Physical effects of the pattern:
Prejudice, hatred, intolerance
How to change the pattern:
Become open to the concept that the
Universal Intelligence brought all
life into existence - to condemn one is
to condemn all |
Insolence
(thought, attitude) Belief that one knows
what is best while one's authority
figure(s) are fools who haven't a clue.
Insolence can come from a multitude of
beliefs, for example, "I'm
smarter/better than everyone else",
"Everyone is supposed to do whatever
I want", "I can do whatever I
want", I don't have to do what
anyone else says." Can stem from too
little or too much attention from one's
caregivers when growing up, or from one's
caregivers being unable or unwilling to
say, "No" to the child. The
insolent person often suffers from a lack
of real self-worth, which contributes
greatly to their need to be in control
of everything at all times, and often
using the threat of a temper tantrum to
control others
Physical effects of the pattern:
Lack of respect of self and others
How to change the pattern:
Become open to the concept that the
Universal Intelligence brought all
life into existence - to condemn one is
to condemn all |
Jealousy
(emotion) Deep fear of losing
someone’s affection, approval or
attention. Deep need to possess what
someone else has. Jealousy can come from
feelings of inadequacy, and from a fear
of abandonment.
Stems from too little (or too much!)
attention in childhood from one's
caregivers. e.g.: You're my
friend/spouse and so you should never
have any other interests in life
Physical effects of the pattern:
Liver
diseases, pancreatic
cancer, digestive
disorders
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn how to love
oneself unconditionally |
| Joy
(emotion) Feelings of delight and great
pleasure that arise from within us, often
when we have given unselfish service to
another. Joy can also come when we are
doing something we care about deeply. It
is often hoped that an act of revenge
will bring joy, but any act that harms
another cannot bring true joy |
Judgment
(thought, attitude) Forming a negative
opinion, sometimes after consideration or
deliberation, sometimes instantly. We
need to make some judgments all the time,
but the habit could be improved
significantly were we to stop judging our
fellow humans. It's judgment to decide
that someone is too fat, too thin, too
short, too tall, too beautiful, too ugly
- get the picture? - to deserve our
respect. The point is that this is a
negative behaviour that harms us all.
Chronic judgment of others can lead to
serious illnesses. Prejudice is accepting
someone else’s judgment of
something, without forming your own
opinion based on your own experiences.
See also gossip
Physical effects of the pattern:
All forms of arthritis
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn that judgment leads to other
poor spiritual diet choices like criticism,
condemnation,
control,
contempt,
etc. |
Manipulation
(thought, attitude) Using negative
behaviours to make someone do what we
want instead of just asking (often
because we're afraid that they might say
no). There are many ways to do this:
Using baby
talk or whining,
lying, asking in front of other people,
procrastinating, threatening, withholding
communication, etc. See also control
Physical effects of the pattern:
Bladder
and urinary
tract problems, kidney
disease
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn the source of one's fear of
expressing that which one desires |
Martyrdom
(attitude) Letting others know how much
you have suffered and sacrificed in order
to help them, with the intention of
making them feel indebted to you. Martyrs
often speak
in an artificially happy tone of voice
Physical effects of the pattern:
Back
or shoulder pain
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn that judgment leads to other
poor spiritual diet choices like criticism,
condemnation,
control,
contempt,
etc. |
| Meditation
(thought) Meditation is communication -
two-way communication - between us and
the Universal Intelligence. It is the act
of asking questions and paying attention
to hear the answers. Learn
how. See also prayer |
| Mercy
(thought, attitude) Tendency to be kind, forgiving
and sympathetic to those in difficult
circumstances (including self). Being
merciful does not necessarily mean
rescuing someone by doing their work for
them, because that can do more harm than
good. It means being a non-judgmental
shoulder to cry on. It means giving
information when invited to do so |
Misanthropic
(attitude) Believing the very worst about
humanity (or self) and doing nothing
about it because it would be pointless
anyway. See also distrust
Physical effects of the pattern:
Extremely unlikely to have close,
satisfying relationships
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn that the Universal Intelligence
exists and communicates with us |
| Obedience
(attitude) Asking God for guidance,
waiting around long enough to hear it and
then following it. Obedience does not
mean doing what another human tells you
to do, or doing what they say
God says you must do - it means following
the instructions given to you by your own
guide when you have asked for assistance
from the Universal Intelligence |
Obsessive/Compulsive
Behaviours Inability to cope
with life without doing certain routines
when certain things have happened; the
seemingly uncontrollable urge to repeat a
behaviour, whether or not it is acted
out. The behaviour is usually done in
response to repression
or suppression
of strong emotions. It is a way to have
some measure of control
when one feels like a victim.
This is one form of addiction
that is every bit as difficult to treat
as a chemical dependency. However, when
one is dedicated to healing self,
tremendous change is possible. Before
repeating any behaviour, it is important
to remember that we have the ability to choose.
See perfectionism
and OCD.
Physical effects of the pattern:
alcohol/drug
use, checking,
counting,
dawdling/chronic
lateness, chronic
lying, eating
disorders, exercise, gambling (usually
triggered when one feels "bad"
and needs assurance that "God still
loves me") , hair
removal, hair
twirling, hand-washing,
looking
in the mirror, perfectionism,
picking
at skin flaws, repeating
phrases or
movements, elf-mutilation, sexual
encounters, shopping,
whining and so on. All of the behaviours
can be crippling. They can repel people
(sometimes that's the whole idea!) and
they can anger people (a side benefit).
They often end up creating the exact
situation that one is trying to avoid
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to identify and resolve the root cause(s) |
| Patience
(attitude) Ability to wait without having
any negative thoughts, attitudes or
emotions. In these days of road rage, air
rage and even rage rage, patience can
seem like the holy grail. Nobody's
perfect! We're all capable of lapses of
judgment and lapses of wisdom. Wouldn't
it be nice to be able to make a mistake
with the comfort of knowing that we'd be
treated with patience, tolerance and
forgiveness? Wouldn't it be nice to be
the one to set a good example? |
| Peace
(emotion) State of calm, acceptance,
forgiveness. Many believe that someone (a
higher intelligence - either Jesus or
extraterrestrials) will come to Planet
Earth to save humanity from the brink of
destruction. How exactly do they think
this will come about? Unless that someone
simply bestows Peace upon us, something
will be required of us to bring it about.
What if that higher intelligence said
that in order to save ourselves, we would
have to forgive all those who had ever
harmed us in any way, intentionally or
otherwise? How might we feel? What if
that higher intelligence said that there
can be no peace
on the planet
so long as even one of us holds onto
hatred, intolerance, prejudice and
resentment? See also war |
Perfectionism
(attitude) Inability or unwillingness to
accept any person or thing that does not
meet excessively rigid standards. When we
place these standards upon another
person, we are controlling
them, and judging,
criticizing
and condemning
them. It is control when we in effect
say, “You must do this my way, the
right way, the only way.” It is
judgment and criticism when we decide
that they are doing it wrong, and
condemnation when we decide to punish
them in some way for their inability or
unwillingness to do what we want, the way
we want it done. When we place these
standards upon ourselves, we do it to
gain either our own or someone else's
approval (whether or not they are
present). The pattern of perfectionism
can begin early in childhood and is often
learned from one's caregivers. It can
develop when a child receives constant
negative attention for doing anything
that does not meet the standards held for
that child by the caregivers, or when the
child feels invisible in the family.
Perfectionism can become an obsessive/compulsive
behaviour. e.g.: If I
don't do it, it won't get done right. It
has to be done this way. Always looking
to catch someone in an error
Physical effects of the pattern:
All forms of arthritis,
acne,
liver
diseases.
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn that judgment leads to other
poor spiritual diet choices like criticism,
condemnation,
control,
contempt,
etc. |
Persecution
Complex (attitude, emotion)
Feeling that everyone is out to get you,
or is judging
you or is thinking about you (see narcissistic,
self-importance,
victim).
This fear
can stem either too little or too much
favourable attention in early childhood.
e.g.: Did you see the way they were
looking at me?
Physical effects of the pattern:
Difficulty in maintaining close,
satisfying relationships
How to change the pattern:
Do self-esteem
exercise |
Pessimism
(attitude) Outlook on life that says,
"What's the point - things will
never work out the way I want
anyway". This attitude is the result
of having judged,
criticized
and condemned
self, others, and/or the Universal
Intelligence. Sometimes this attitude can
begin as an act of spite
or revenge.
See also passive/aggressive.
e.g.: Things will never turn out right.
What else is new? I’ll never amount
to anything
Physical effects of the pattern:
Obsessive/compulsive
behaviours,
chronic lower back
pain and/or sciatica,
eye
probems, insomnia
and other sleep
disorders
How to change the pattern:
Know that we create our own reality.
Expectation equals result. Fear brings
about that which is feared |
| Prayer
(thought, attitude) - Act of
talking to God (the Universal
Intelligence). Many use prayer to ask God
for favours (see control);
for example, heal me...heal someone
else...keep someone alive...let someone
die...punish someone for me...let my team
win the big game...let me win the
lottery...). Saying the words, "Thy
will be done, Father," can avoid
much needless worry
and distress.
Many use prayer as a protection from
"evil" or from the wrath of
God. That is not prayer - it is ritual
and superstition, which is nothing more
than fear
that has become habit. See also meditation
and unconditional
love |
Procrastination
(attitude) Putting off that which one has
agreed to do. This is a passive/aggressive
act of control.
See avoidance,
laziness.
Those who fail to live up to their
commitments often have a mate who nags,
yet claim innocence in playing any part
in the pattern. The
procrastination/nagging game can go on
for years, with one person blaming the
other for their own failure to
communicate
Physical effects of the pattern:
Hearing,
seeing
or memory
problems, hypochondria
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn what we're trying to gain or
create by avoiding doing that which needs
to be done |
Rejection
(thought) Dismissing someone or something
because of inferiority or imperfection.
We can use rejection as a punishment when
we have judged,
criticized
and condemned
someone or something. Rejection of a
person can be a form of abandonment.
Rejection of an idea can be a form of denial.
When someone has rejected us, we can feel
ashamed
of our words, our actions or ourselves
Physical effects of the pattern:
All forms of arthritis
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn that judgment leads to other
poor spiritual diet choices like criticism,
condemnation,
control,
contempt,
etc. |
Repression
(thought) Inability or unwillingness to
acknowledge that one has had a negative
experience. This is a learned behaviour
that can begin in very early childhood as
a conscious choice, but develops into a
seemingly unconscious behaviour.
Repression of anger
can lead to unexpected explosive rages.
Repression can also contribute to the
need for drugs, alcohol, tobacco,
excessive food intake or exercise and
other negative behaviours, all of which
can be addiction
forming. See also denial
Physical effects of the pattern:
Obsessive/compulsive
behaviours
How to change the pattern:
Do grieving
exercise |
Resentment
(thought, attitude, emotion) Holding onto
a deep-seated grudge against someone who
has hurt or offended us and can create
the habitual need for revenge.
Words like, “I hate you and I will
never forgive you,” or, “You'll
pay for that,” show that resentment
is already forming. We can even get
addicted to the high that comes from
allowing our hurt to excuse us from
behaving responsibly. Holding onto
resentment can become a habitual response
to people or circumstances that do not
meet with our approval
Physical effects of the pattern:
All forms of arthritis,
digestive
disorders, heart/lung
problems, high
cholesterol,
bladder
and urinary
tract problems
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn that judgment leads to other
poor spiritual diet choices like criticism,
condemnation,
control,
contempt,
etc. |
| Respect
(attitude) Willingness to treat one
another (and ourselves) with patience
and tolerance,
mercy
and forgiveness.
It is disrespectful to use someone else's
possessions and/or property without their
permission. The words, "I didn't
think you'd mind" are often used as
an excuse for failing to ask permission.
This failure to ask can stem from fear
(that permission might not be granted) or
the belief that self is
"entitled" (see arrogance) |
Revenge
(thought, attitude, emotion) Deep need to
retaliate against someone who has
offended us by hurting someone/anyone as
badly as we have been hurt (e.g.,
gossiping, hazing. Revenge can also be a
desire to teach someone a lesson they
won’t forget. In its more
subtle form, we might abandon the
offender and/or withhold communication
from her or him. Such behaviour can
easily spiral downward into depression.It
can become an obsessive compulsion. Words
like, “I was hurt so it’s okay
for me to hurt anyone who gets in my
way,” “What goes around comes
around,” “Serves you
right,” or “God will get you
for this" or "God will hurt you
for me,” are all expressions of the
desire for revenge. Let’s look at
this illogical hope that God will hurt
someone for us: Since we are all children
of God, why would the Universal
Intelligence, the Creator of everything
and everyone, want to hurt any of us? God
loves each of us unconditionally so He
cannot possibly judge, criticize or
condemn anyone. Ever.
We can feel that hurting others is the
only way to deal with our pain, but there
is another way…forgiveness! However,
before we can forgive it is necessary to
stop allowing ourselves to react to
negative situations with resentment.
Sharing our feelings is a great start
because very often, the offender
hasn’t even a clue that their
words/actions were hurtful. At the very
least, communication can validate our
experience, and it might even open the
door to new understanding.
World peace will be impossible until we
as individuals stop resenting others and
wanting revenge. So let’s not leave
it up to the other guy, or the
government, or other countries. Let us
be the one to flex our forgiveness
muscle
Physical effects of the pattern:
Heart/lung
problems, high
cholesterol,
digestive
problems
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn that hatred leads to other poor
spiritual diet choices like criticism,
condemnation,
control,
contempt,
etc. |
| Sacrifice
(attitude) Being willing to set aside our
needs in order to be of service.
Sacrifice is often used as an excuse for
our inability to say "no" to
someone. This is not true sacrifice. True
sacrifice occurs when there is no thought
for self. True sacrifice occurs when
there is thought only for the one(s) in
need. Sacrifice can also be giving up
what one wants to do in favour of what
God (through our guide) has asked, or not
doing something one wants to do because
God (through our guide) has asked that it
not be done |
Sarcasm
(attitude) Words (whether spoken aloud or
not) that are intended to ridicule or
harm self or anothe under the guise of
humour
Physical effects of the pattern:
Upper
respiratory
issues
How to change the pattern:
Do self-esteem
exercise |
Scorn
(attitude) Treating someone as though
they are less than human and unworthy of
our respect.
This attitude is the result of having judged,
criticized
and condemned
someone, and scorn is the punishment.
Giving someone a dirty look is an act of
scorn and can be an act of manipulation.
See self-righteousness
Physical effects of the pattern:
A chronic scornful attitude can help to
create arthritis,
heart
disease, eye
diseases and nose
problems
How to change the pattern:
Do tolerance
exercise |
| Seeking
of Truth and Understanding
(thought, attitude) Being willing to
confront the Universal Truth about
ourselves, about our experiences and
about our belief systems can lead us to
full understanding, which enables us to
release the past fully and with love.
When we resent
someone, we often feel fully justified in
not seeking any understanding at all
about the offending person's possible
motives or intentions for their words or
actions. All too often though, offenders
are not even aware that they have caused
injury. That's one of the reasons why forgiveness
is so important: Couldn't our time be
better spent than holding a grudge
against someone whose behaviour may not
even have been intended to harm us? |
Self-aggrandizement
(thought, attitude) Using others to
further oneself and one's own interests,
under the guise of it being for the other
guy's benefit. e.g.: Making someone think
that what you tell them to do is to help
them, and not to help you in any way.
Selling a product under the false
pretense that the buyer will benefit
because of it, or will come to harm
without it, when the only true reason for
selling it is to make a profit for self
Physical effects of the pattern:
Heart
problems, digestive
issues, foot
problems
How to change the pattern:
Do self-esteem
exercise |
Self-importance
(attitude) Belief that oneself is more
deserving of attention than everybody
else, and that everything that happens to
self should be of the utmost importance
to everybody else Can be the belief that
one's belief systems are flawless. Can be
the belief that everything that happens,
be it an experience or even a
conversation, is "about me".
Holding oneself in very high regard.
Pride and conceit are offshoots of ego
and self-importance. Self-importance and
self-condemnation
often go hand-in-hand, because even
though we might feel very proud of some
of our accomplishments, there can be a
feeling of shame
in other areas, or at least the
recognition that certain areas of our
lives could stand some change. e.g.: What
about me? Me, me, me. Let's talk about me
and my family, or friends, or pets, or
job, or hobbies, or experiences;
anything, so long as I don't have to
listen to anything about you (see babble).
See also narcissistic
Physical effects of the pattern:
Flatulence,
vertigo
How to change the pattern:
Do self-esteem
exercise |
Self-interest
(attitude) Using others to one's benefit,
with regard only for self
Physical effects of the pattern:
Digestion
disorders
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn the reasons for feeling ignored
or neglected |
Self-righteousness
(thought, attitude) Belief that self is
morally pure and beyond reproach, usually
used in comparison against someone who
has been judged
as being less than perfect. e.g.: I would
never hurt anyone the way you've hurt me.
At least I'm not like him or her. God
will punish you, but he'll forgive me
Physical effects of the pattern:
High
cholesterol,
eye
problems, sepsis
How to change the pattern:
Do self-esteem
and tolerance
exercises |
Shame
(emotion) Feelings of embarrassment,
guilt
and remorse that come upon seeing (or
being told by someone) that self is not
perfect. Shame can lead to feelings of
unworthiness, self-doubt and low
self-esteem. It often creates the need to
live in a state of secrecy about oneself
and one’s experiences. Deep shame is
often associated with a constant state of
fear,
even panic, that one will be “found
out”. It can also create the need
for addictive
behaviours and
substances. Abused children often
have a deep sense of shame, for they can
believe that they were responsible for
their negative experiences. e.g.: It's
all my fault and I should be punished.
I'm bad and everyone can see it
Physical effects of the pattern:
Skin
problems like acne,
rosacia, rash
How to change the pattern:
Do self-esteem,
grieving
and forgiveness
exercises |
Should
(thought, attitude) This is a word of control
that is used when telling someone what
you think they need to do. We often think
we know what's best for others but maybe,
just maybe, we don't. Before telling
someone else what they should do,
consider how it feels when someone else
tells us what to do!
Physical effects of the pattern:
Nerve damage, high
cholesterol
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn the source of one's desire/need
to be in charge |
Soul
mate The belief that says that
we are incomplete without another
specific person whom God created only for
us
Physical effects of the pattern:
Co-dependent
relationships,
victim
mentality
How to change the pattern:
Do self-esteem
exercise |
Spite
(attitude) Attitude that says, "Your
treatment of me will prevent me from ever
enjoying life". Choosing to live
one's life in deprivation is an act of revenge
that hurts no one but self. Returning a
cherished gift to its original owner can
be an act of spite; likewise suicide
and/or abandonment
Physical effects of the pattern:
Heart/lung
problems, high
cholesterol,
digestive
problems
How to change the pattern:
Meditate
to learn that hatred leads to other poor
spiritual diet choices like criticism,
condemnation,
control,
contempt,
etc. |
Stress
(attitude) Self-imposed punishment
(implies that judgment, criticism and
condemnation have already taken place).
We place stress on ourselves when we:
- try to live up to
impossible standards; so-called,
"keeping up with the
Jones's. Nobody's perfect - not
even the Jones's. If we try to
keep up with (or get ahead of)
the Jones's, that is the
behaviour our children may copy
- try to meet
others' supposed expectations of
us. Whose approval are we really
trying to win?
- try to make
important decisions on our own,
without input from the Universal
Intelligence
- believe that we
are responsible for just about
anything or everything
Physical effects
of the pattern: Post-traumatic
stress disorder can arise after
observing or experiencing terrifying
events over which one has no control.
Somehow we feel that we should have been
able to prevent them, or at least been
able to fix them or prevent them from
ever happening again. The events need not
have been life-threatening - they need
only have been frightening. If we feel we
are responsible, we can take on guilt.
If we feel others are responsible, we can
take on a victim
mentality and become either extremely
passive or extremely aggressive
How to change the pattern:
Do how
to stop worrying
and grieving
exercises
|
Suppression
Conscious choice to keep one’s
negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions
to oneself, thus preventing expression of
them. This can also begin as an act of
spite. As with repression, keeping
everything bottled up inside can create
the need for mood-altering substances or
habits. It can also prevent the forming
of deep, emotional bonds with others
Physical effects of the pattern:
Obsessive/compulsive
behaviours
How to change the pattern:
Do grieving
exercise, meditate
to find the root cause |
Tolerance
(attitude) Ability to observe people or
to have certain experiences without their
creating negative thoughts, attitudes and
emotions within us. Intolerance creates
much of the turmoil on this planet.
How to change intolerance:
Do tolerance
exercise |
| Trust
(in God) (thought, attitude) Knowing that
we are loved, unconditionally, in every
moment of our existence, and that all is
well. Knowing that all that is required
for our learning will be provided.
Knowing that each and every experience is
given by the Universal Intelligence to
help us learn how to love unconditionally
- both others and ourselves. For example,
an abused child can often wonder why or
how his/her caregivers could be verbally,
emotionally or physically abusive. When
the child becomes a parent and treats his
or her own children the same way, it is
hoped that the adult child will gain the
understanding that he or she was looking
for by experiencing, first-hand, the
conditions that create abuse; thereby
learning unconditional love for self and
for his/her caregivers. Of course, not
all abused children become abusive
caregivers. Some manage to set aside
their own "stuff" and use their
negative experiences to improve
themselves, rather than using their pain
as an excuse to treat others as they were
treated |
| Unconditional
Love Acceptance without
conditions (a lack of negative thoughts,
attitudes and emotions). The Universal
Intelligence loves us unconditionally.
There is nothing we have to do, nothing
we have to change, in order to be loved
by God. When we feel Universal energy, we
are feeling the unconditional love that
exists for each and every one of us.
Believing that God judges
us is to believe that God's love is
conditional, and that is an untruth and
an impossibility, because judgment,
criticism and condemnation are
conditional. Unconditional love can be
seen as "tough love", because
it allows us to experience all things -
both positive and negative. It allows
there to be physical consequences for our
spiritual choices. It allows us to feel
pain; it allows us to cause pain. See free
will |
Victim
(attitude) Belief that that there is no
protection from what's "out
there". Belief that everything
negative in one's life has been caused by
anyone or anything but self. This can be
a crippling handicap. The pattern can
usually be traced to a traumatic
childhood experience that was never
resolved. Can come from the repeated
failure of one's caregivers to protect
the child from coming to harm. Can also
come from over-protective parenting. See
also blame.
People stuck in victim mode often have
"pity
parties"; that is, they go on
and on about how everyone has hurt them,
everyone is better off than them, nothing
ever works out for them, nobody likes
them, etc. We become a victim as soon as
we believe that there is nothing we can
do to change our life experience, or to
protect ourselves from others' negative
actions, thoughts, attitudes and
emotions. See also passive/aggressive;
narcissism
Physical effects of the pattern:
HIV/AIDS,
anemia,
knee
problems,
rheumatoid arthritis,
some forms of cancer,
Crohn's
Disease, athlete's
foot, etc.
How to change the pattern:
Do all the spiritual
exercises |
| War
In order to fully understand why war
exists, we must first be willing to
acknowledge our own negative thoughts,
attitudes and emotions. Self-awareness
brings the realization that we're all
alike, we're all equal, we're all capable
of anything, given the proper
circumstances. To hold a grudge against
someone for failing to live up to our
standards is one of the first steps
toward war. We often justify our failure
to live up to our own standards by saying
that the person or people we harmed
deserved it because somehow they're less
than human; for example, stealing from a
corporation, making false insurance
claims, using someone's property without
their permission, etc. |
Worry
(attitude) Busy thoughts; trying to
figure out: how everything is going to
turn out; how to plan everything; what
others are thinking; how others will
react to your action(s). Excessive
worrying can create anxiety
and even panic attacks. Worry is often
used as a means of control
over our loved ones, and indicates that judgment,
criticism
and condemnation
have already taken place. For example,
when we say we are worried about someone,
it is in effect saying that we think they
are incapable of doing the
"right" thing. We are saying
that we think they will come to some harm
if they continue doing whatever it is
they are doing. People in co-dependent
relationships
often "worry" about their
partner. They say that they are concerned
that their loved one will come to some
harm, but the real worry is about
themselves. This is not unconditional
love. This is a negative
attitude. This is control.
Worry can manifest in physical as hair
loss, insomnia,
nail
biting or chronic pain.
e.g.: What if... If I do this, then
he/she will do... If I do this, then
he/she will think...
Physical effects of the pattern:
Chronic bleeding
nose, tinitus
and other ear problems, digestive
problems
How to change the pattern:
Do how
to stop worrying
exercise |
|